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1. As you and your partner prepare for the upcoming birthday bash in the kitchen, a wave of middle school boys is about to invade your home. You’re struggling to measure how much food will be enough, especially with one boy’s food allergies in mind. What starts as a discussion about corn tortillas and soy cheese escalates into a conflict over grocery shopping efforts, the perpetually messy kitchen floor, and the ever-growing pile of clothes on the dining room table. You find yourself overwhelmed and shouting before you even have a chance to get dressed, with your younger children watching from the shadows, bewildered. You realize this chaos isn’t about your firstborn turning 13; it’s about those tortillas.
2. You think back to other significant birthdays. That moment when your darling child turned three and, shortly after, you dropped him off at preschool, intending for a quick farewell before heading to your own classroom. Suddenly, anxiety grips you, questioning if the peanut-free snack you packed is truly safe. You rush to the faculty lounge, flipping through ingredient lists while your preschooler stands by, backpack-clad, waiting to play with friends. The preschool director finds you in a fluster, and despite her calming words, you leave the preschool in tears. This moment isn’t about your firstborn starting school; it’s about those muffins.
3-6. Spend weeks attempting to craft the perfect essay on your firstborn’s 13th birthday. You type thousands of words, yet they slip away like sand. You’re unsure what emotions you are aiming to express. After a lengthy reflection on potty training, it feels less like an essay and more like a nostalgic narrative of the past 13 years. It’s like trying to hold onto sunlight streaming through a window; it’s fleeting and elusive. Although you keep the musings for memory’s sake, you come to accept that not every thought can transform into a coherent essay. This struggle has little to do with your firstborn becoming a teenager and everything to do with the challenges of writing.
7. You become acutely aware of the similarities between your teen and the teenagers you teach. When you voice your concerns about typical teenage behavior, he dismisses them. He’s convinced he’s different from those “bad choices” and insists that your job is skewing your perspective. This disagreement is unrelated to his transformation into a teenager, as he believes he’ll never act like those other teens.
8. You listen, charmed, as your younger children wonder what kind of teenager he plans to be— a Teen Titan or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? When he earnestly opts for the latter, you can’t help but think of Gregor Samsa. As you pat yourself on the back for the literary reference, you realize it suggests transformation, though it has nothing to do with your firstborn’s teenage years; it’s just a fleeting thought.
9-12. The night before the party, you order four gifts on Amazon Prime to ensure he has something to unwrap, even though you and your partner have agreed to take him shopping for a new bike. The gifts include:
- A 2-pack of phone chargers
- A pair of socks
- Dr. Squatch soap in Pine Tar scent
- Cord name tags to prevent family theft
You recognize that trying to attach deep meaning to these gifts—like budding independence and better hygiene—has little to do with your son turning 13, and more about your inclination to infuse significance into everything. It’s a trait of an Enneagram 4 and not directly tied to his coming of age.
13. A few days post-celebration, while searching for an old headshot for work, you stumble upon videos from years ago. You and your children spend an hour laughing at the memories captured on screen, without a single tear shed. You don’t miss the challenges of balancing a baby and a toddler’s tantrum or the sleepless nights of diaper changes. In this moment of togetherness, it seems unrelated to your firstborn turning 13 that you feel so content. As you reminisce, you realize you are present in each moment captured—holding the camera, guiding him, cradling his baby brother, and cherishing it all. You’re convinced this moment has nothing to do with your firstborn reaching his teenage years.
Summary
This piece explores the emotional rollercoaster of parenting as your firstborn turns 13. From chaotic party preparations to nostalgic reflections on past milestones, it delves into the challenges and joys of motherhood, while humorously acknowledging that many of these experiences are more about the complexities of parenting than the transition to teenagehood itself.