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Have you ever experienced that nagging voice in your head telling you that you simply aren’t enough? Or the one that insists no matter how hard you try, you’ll never quite measure up? If you’ve never faced this, I applaud you—please, share your secrets! For as long as I can remember, this voice has been whispering that I’m unworthy of nearly everything. Just to clarify, when I mention this voice, I’m not talking about actually hearing voices; it’s our inner dialogue I’m referring to. I’ve named mine Gertrude. And let me tell you, Gertrude is a real pain.
Gertrude embodies the very real phenomenon of imposter syndrome that I grapple with daily. So, what is imposter syndrome? To me, it’s the feeling of being a fraud, of never being good enough. All. The. Time. When my child’s teachers compliment my parenting, I can’t help but think they’re just being polite. They probably say that to every parent, right? Or when my boss praises my work, Gertrude chimes in with, “She’s just trying to boost your spirits.” Ugh, I wish I were making this up.
Upon reflection, does that really make sense? Last year, I faced a situation that challenged me in ways I wasn’t prepared for, but it turned out to be crucial for my personal growth. My lifelong dream has been to be a writer. I proudly wore the title of “bookworm.” I loved escaping into stories and forming connections with characters, and I aspired to create my own. Author. Poet. Writer. All things I believed would adorn my resume. Unfortunately, teachers and academic advisors warned me that those dreams wouldn’t pay the bills. They told me, “These are great hobbies, but you need a real plan.”
So, I attempted to create a plan. I stumbled through several career paths—first as an educator, then as a prison psychologist (think Dr. Huang from SVU), followed by thoughts of becoming a counselor or a lawyer. Ultimately, I ended up in sales and banking, and for the last five years, I’ve worked as a fraud investigator.
In short, I never felt like I was doing this “adulting” thing correctly. I felt like an imposter. I was the fraud. I had no idea what I was doing! Then, amidst all this, came the opportunity I had been waiting for my whole life: to be a writer. And Gertrude was right there, reminding me just how unqualified I was.
Initially, I wrote a few articles, some assigned and others I pitched myself. The feedback was encouraging, but instead of gaining confidence, I found myself doubting my abilities even more. Gertrude reared her ugly head again, whispering, “They’re only being nice. You’re not good enough. You’re just pretending.” I thought maybe she was right.
But then I realized Gertrude was full of it. I had always wanted this opportunity, and it had finally come to me. The stars aligned, and the universe had conspired in my favor. I was working with people I didn’t know, and if they didn’t want to continue, there was no obligation to do so. It’s easy to say this now, but part of me still struggles to believe it. I often wonder where my deep-seated insecurities stem from. Yes, I’m addressing this in therapy—not just for myself but for my daughters.
I never want them to doubt their abilities. I don’t mean they should leap into dangerous situations without thinking; I want them to pursue their dreams without the fear of imperfection holding them back. Trust me, I have spent decades allowing that fear to control me, and it’s simply not worth it! Let’s say it loud and clear for everyone to hear: Get out of your own way! You are not a fake or a fraud; you need to extend yourself the same grace you offer to others.
Don’t let imposter syndrome convince you that you can’t achieve your dreams. If you tell yourself you can’t, you absolutely won’t. You are deserving of whatever you want in life. It’s a simple truth, but it’s one we often deny ourselves. You don’t have to be more of this or less of that. You are complete just as you are.
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Summary:
Imposter syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy that many people experience. It manifests as a voice of negativity that undermines our achievements and abilities. The author shares her own journey with this syndrome as she pursued her dream of writing. Through personal anecdotes, she encourages readers to recognize their worth and to challenge the negative thoughts that hold them back. Ultimately, she emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the need to confront and silence the inner critic.