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My partner and I are both on the path to recovery from alcoholism. I’ve been sober for 12 years, while he has maintained his sobriety for two. Our drinking habits were quite different; I was a binge drinker, where one drink would often lead to many more, while he was more of a habitual drinker, unwinding with a beer or two after work. Over time, his casual drinking escalated from beer to wine, and eventually to hard liquor, which made me realize we were heading down a troubling path. As alcohol began to create distance between us, neither of us was truly happy.
Initially, I didn’t resent him for drinking; in the early days of my sobriety, I felt secure in my decision to quit. I even enjoyed being the designated driver while he indulged in a drink or two. However, those occasional glasses soon turned into three or four, leading to arguments that strained our relationship further. After ten years of witnessing this downward trend, I was exhausted.
Then, one evening at dinner, he surprised me by ordering water instead of his usual wine. I learned he had made the decision to stop drinking altogether, having gone two weeks without a drop. I was shocked yet relieved and proud. He chose to be a father rather than a drunk, and since then, our marriage has transformed. The tension has eased, our family time has improved, and our kids are thriving. But therein lies the challenge—our children.
We have a 13-year-old, 11-year-old, 8-year-old, and 5-year-old who are all aware of our struggles with alcohol. We discuss it openly, but that doesn’t make it easy. Our home isn’t alcohol-free; we often have wine or beer available for guests. This can confuse our kids—if we don’t drink, why do we keep it in the house?
I want my children to understand that alcohol itself isn’t inherently bad. Many people can enjoy it responsibly. However, given our family history, the odds are against them. Genetics play a significant role in the development of alcohol-related issues, and I want them to be aware of that risk. I don’t want them to fear alcohol, but I do want them to recognize its potential consequences. They need to understand that excessive drinking can lead to poor choices and severe repercussions, such as job loss or family breakdown.
I wish for my children to be responsible if they choose to drink someday, knowing the risks involved. I don’t want them to face the same struggles we did. It worries me that they might rebel against our warnings and experiment with alcohol behind our backs. Right now, my older kids insist they’ll never drink, but I know that could change, especially in college where peer pressure is strong.
When the time comes for them to consider alcohol, I hope they remember our experiences and make thoughtful decisions. While our past doesn’t define them, it undoubtedly influences their lives. My mother always said that moderation is key, and I pray that my kids adopt that principle as their own.
Alcohol is ubiquitous in society, but it’s crucial to make informed choices. We teach our children to think before they act, a lesson that will serve them well throughout life. I hope they recognize that they don’t need alcohol to fit in or feel cool. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy a drink, but knowing when to stop is essential. I pray for their safety, wisdom, and strength as they navigate their paths—hoping they don’t repeat our mistakes.
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In summary, my partner and I are committed to our recovery, and while we navigate the complexities of teaching our children about alcohol, we hope they understand the importance of moderation and make wise choices in their lives.