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My household is predominantly female. There’s me, my daughter, and even our dog is female. My son stands out as the only boy. This dynamic changed for us a few years back when my husband and the father of my children lost his battle with cancer, leaving me to navigate life as a solo mom.
Interestingly, I grew up in a similar environment. My mom, sister, and I were the main occupants, with my brother as the lone male among us. Like me, my mother was a single parent, though her situation arose from a different circumstance—my father walked out and never returned, save for rare birthday calls.
I vividly recall how adults would often pull my brother aside, insisting he needed to assume the role of “man of the house” after our father left when he was merely six years old. I watched him, his head bowed, eyes cast downward, seemingly overwhelmed by the expectations thrust upon him.
Even as a child, I sensed that it was an unfair burden to place on him—he was still a kid, not an adult. I wish I had known back then that I could voice my concerns.
Today, I find similar expectations placed on my son—though thankfully, not as frequently as my brother experienced. Typically, it’s older men who tell him, “You need to be the man of the house now.”
And this time, I know how to respond.
Telling a child that he must be “the man of the house” in the absence of his father is deeply problematic. What does that even mean? Such statements are rooted in outdated gender norms and cultural expectations. Why must a household have a male figure to be functional? In my experience running our home single-handedly, I can confidently say that while having another adult would be helpful, it’s not a necessity, nor does that additional adult need to be male.
Moreover, suggesting that my son must take on this role undermines my capabilities as a parent. While I understand the intention may be to encourage him, it implies a lack of belief in my ability to manage our family. We all need support, and acknowledging that shouldn’t mean placing additional responsibilities on my son, which can exacerbate my own insecurities.
What truly troubles me is the burden such expectations place on him. I saw how my brother struggled under the weight of others’ expectations, feeling inadequate because he couldn’t fill a role that was never meant for him. I will not allow my son to face the same pressures.
As a parent, my primary responsibility is to protect my children. This is a serious commitment for me, and I prioritize it above all else. Thus, when someone suggests my son should be the man of the house, I react swiftly to dismiss that notion. He does not need to bear any additional responsibilities beyond what he had in a two-parent household.
What my son truly needs is to be a child—someone who feels cherished and safe, not someone expected to step into adult shoes due to unforeseen circumstances.
It’s 2021, and it’s high time we stop telling the sons of single mothers that they must be the “man of the house.” In fact, it’s long overdue to retire that phrase altogether.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenting, consider checking out this post on home insemination. For expert advice on artificial insemination, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. You can also explore CCRM IVF for more information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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- How to support single moms
- Parenting tips for single fathers
- Raising boys without fathers
- Understanding gender roles in parenting
- Emotional support for single parents
In summary, we must stop imposing outdated expectations on sons of single mothers. Instead, we should create an environment that allows them to be children, free of unnecessary burdens.