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During the pandemic, my partner, Mark, and I decided to invest in an RV, eagerly awaiting the perfect opportunity to take it on the road. With four kids from my previous marriage and two from Mark’s, we lived in a lively household reminiscent of a modern-day “Brady Bunch,” minus a housekeeper. After a decade together, we cherished the hustle and bustle but also dreamed of the tranquility that an empty nest would bring.
My youngest son, a passionate car enthusiast and self-taught mechanic, had plans to attend university in Michigan, quite a distance from our home in Washington State. Mark and I thought it would be a great idea to break in the RV with a scenic drive to his new school. To our delight, he was on board with the idea.
Unlike most universities that kick off in the fall, my son was set to start his college journey during the summer session. He was allowed to bring his car, so we arranged for him to follow us in his vehicle as we took turns driving the RV. It was a fantastic plan—until disaster struck in the form of a broken air conditioner in the scorching heat of Montana.
As a skilled auto technician, my son confidently crawled under the car to assess the situation. After a frustrating 45 minutes, he emerged looking defeated, realizing the repairs would be more involved than he could manage at a campground. Seeing him dirty and sweaty, I instinctively suggested he take a shower.
To my surprise, he responded with irritation, saying, “No.” Mark and I exchanged glances, both taken aback. As the best kind of stepdad, Mark usually knows when to step back and let me handle things my way, which doesn’t always align with his own parenting style. This was one of those moments where I could have used his gentle nudge to let it go. Instead, I dug my heels in, insisting, “Shower, or else.”
I should have known better. From my experience as a family lawyer and a parent, I’ve learned that engaging in a battle of wills usually leads to frustration for everyone involved. And that’s exactly what happened. When I finally asked Mark to intervene, my son still hadn’t showered and was being stubborn. Rather than divulging his feelings, he simply huffed and went to wash up.
After getting back on the road, I noticed my son’s mood had shifted. When we arrived at Yellowstone National Park, he seemed distressed instead of excited. I couldn’t understand why. “Mom,” he said, “I really want to turn back and drive home.” The words took me by surprise, especially since he had been looking forward to this trip.
As I began to panic, I remembered that he was no longer a child but a young adult. “Why do you want to go home?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. He explained that he was anxious about not having the air conditioner fixed in time for school and thought it would be better to return home and fly to Michigan.
Listening to him, I realized how much pressure he was feeling. What I saw as an inconvenience was causing him significant stress. Our conversation turned a corner; he expressed his worries calmly, and I was in awe of how maturely he communicated his feelings. I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
Instead of insisting on our original plan, I asked him what he wanted to do. He suggested we shorten our trip by reducing our stops to reach Michigan sooner, allowing time for the car repair before classes started. It made perfect sense, and he seemed relieved to have a say in the matter.
When we finally reached Michigan, we found a local mechanic and left the car for repairs. I was confident my son, with his technical skills, would one day repay us—perhaps by launching us to Mars in a rocket he designed. We settled him into his dorm and soon it was time for our goodbyes. As we drove away separately, I felt comforted knowing we had made the journey together.
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In summary, my son’s journey to college reminded me of the importance of open communication and understanding. It was a moment of growth for both of us, highlighting his readiness for the challenges ahead.