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For a long time, I thought my feelings of being “touched out” were due to the demands of breastfeeding. I found other moms online expressing similar sentiments, and I assumed it was just part of being a stay-at-home parent. But when I enrolled my children in daycare, that theory fell apart too.
I kept hoping that once the early childhood years passed, my feelings would shift. Yet, I remembered the intimacy issues we faced before kids even entered the picture. I blamed my reluctance on being tired, stressed, or hungry — I could generate countless excuses in seconds for why I didn’t want to be touched. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to change.
It took me 32 years to realize what TikTok had revealed to me in just a few minutes: I was attracted to women. Accepting this truth was challenging, and sharing it with my husband felt even more daunting. He had been my best friend for over six years, and for the first time, I felt the weight of a secret between us.
Initially, I told him I thought I might be bisexual since I was married to a man and had only dated men in the past. He took it in stride, expressing that he didn’t want me to miss out on understanding or exploring this aspect of my sexuality. He even assisted me in creating online dating profiles for women, and we both committed to maintaining our home life as normal as possible.
After this discussion, I felt a wave of relief, but deep down, I knew my journey wasn’t over. The more I reflected on my past, the clearer the signs became — all my relationships had ended in the same way. Once the initial excitement faded, so did any sexual chemistry. I thought this was a natural conclusion to relationships, so I moved on to new partners. The cycle perpetuated itself.
I had to confront a hard truth: I hadn’t wanted to be intimate with my husband for years, even before we had kids, and it wasn’t his fault. I am a lesbian. My husband, being the understanding person that he is, mentioned he should have seen it coming. While our sexual chemistry was lacking, our friendship was strong. We still loved each other just as much as we did on our wedding day. It was never about disliking one another; it was the intimacy that was absent. We had missed the signs while busy with life, and raising kids had served as the perfect excuse for a couple of years.
Together, we decided not to disrupt our family unit, as our home was genuinely happy. We rarely fought and enjoyed co-parenting. We divided responsibilities, with him cooking dinner while I prepared the kids for bedtime. The thought of navigating single parenthood was daunting, and we didn’t want to add that stress, which would inevitably impact our children.
So, we agreed to live together as best friends and co-parents. We bought him a new bedroom set and moved his belongings to the other side of the house into our office. This arrangement seemed to make sense financially and emotionally for everyone involved.
This is our family, and I want both of us to be the happiest versions of ourselves for our kids. Even after reaching this conclusion, I feel a new sense of grounding and happiness in our home. The pressure of being the perfect spouse is gone; we now see each other as best friends. Open communication and transparency about our feelings have created a wonderful environment.
It’s important to consider what this means for our children. We are setting an example that it’s never too late to follow your heart and that regardless of who they love, they will always have our support. Our kids will grow up accepting others and being non-judgmental because we demonstrate acceptance and respect at home. We’re teaching them that there are many ways to have a loving family and that love and communication can help overcome significant obstacles.
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