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When I decided to watch Home Alone last Christmas with my nine-year-old daughter and seven-year-old twins, I certainly didn’t foresee that we would have to shut it off after just a third of the film. They both crawled into my lap, screaming in terror. The humorous premise of being left alone to fend off burglars while dealing with a potentially scary neighbor was just too much for them, despite my reassurances that the old man was a friend. In hindsight, I should have anticipated that reaction, considering the snow monster in Frozen, the escapades in Jumanji, and nearly all of Coco were too frightening for my sensitive kids. What many consider family-friendly films can often be overwhelming for my little cautionary cats.
As a child, I grew up watching Scooby-Doo, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, E.T., and even Nightmare on Elm Street—the classics that terrified us back then and likely left a lasting impression. No adult batted an eye at those films. Now, as a parent, I wouldn’t dream of showing my kids the movies I loved at their age; I simply don’t have the time for the nightmares that could ensue. Last Halloween, we settled on Casper as our “spooky” film.
However, even movies considered non-scary often have at least one moment that requires me to guide them through it. Sometimes, we have to switch to a different movie altogether. I take full responsibility for the emotional turmoil my oldest experienced while watching The NeverEnding Story. How could I have forgotten about the horse scene? Ah, childhood trauma has a way of clouding memories. Sorry, kiddo.
Some children are naturally more sensitive than others, and that’s completely normal. Many struggle to distinguish between fiction and reality, fearing that the villains could come after them or that one of their parents might leave or even pass away. Thanks a lot, Disney! Still, I never thought that Toy Story or Lady and the Tramp would cause any concern.
Sierra Filucci, an executive parenting editor at Common Sense Media, explains that “grotesque faces or anything that deviates from realistic depictions can be unsettling for kids, even if adults don’t perceive it that way.” Instead of just reassuring children that they have nothing to fear, we should acknowledge their feelings. Just because we aren’t scared doesn’t mean they aren’t, and invalidating their emotions can be harmful. I’ve paused films to explain upcoming scenes, assured them that characters will be okay, and pointed out the silliness of their fears. Sometimes that’s enough, but other times we need to choose a different movie.
Before selecting a film, I use Common Sense Media as a guide. Once we narrow down our options, we watch trailers multiple times to gauge their reactions. I read the movie descriptions to them and remind them that we can always stop the film if anyone feels scared.
Interestingly, my kids have vivid imaginations and often act out what they see during playtime. They enjoy hide and seek and engage in imaginative spy games. They battle each other with pool noodles and stage elaborate Nerf battles. My son loves drawing monsters and action scenes, yet when it comes to watching them in films, he wants nothing to do with it. Despite having toy swords and ninja stars under his bed, he’s the first to back down during any fight scene.
Filucci also mentions that parents are often surprised by what frightens their children. My son adored The Mandalorian, despite its strange creatures and battles, so I thought Iron Man would be a suitable first superhero film without Lego characters. Wrong choice! He found it to have “too much fighting.” Compared to The Mandalorian, Iron Man lacked the adorable Grogu to alleviate the tension.
My daughters managed to get through Iron Man knowing there were sequels to follow, which comforted them about Iron Man’s fate. They’re open to trying the next movie in the series, but my son prefers to revisit the Paw Patrol movie. That’s the kind of gentle, predictable storytelling that appeals to my kids, especially him. It makes agreeing on a film a bit challenging, and finding one I’m excited to watch with them is even tougher. My children lean toward Air Bud, Space Jam, and Paw Patrol, but that’s perfectly okay.
Choosing a film often requires extra effort, but I’m not rushing to desensitize my kids. Nor do I think they should endure uncomfortable experiences. Research by Dr. Joanne Cantor and Dr. Kristen Harrison found that children who unintentionally view frightening material or are pressured to watch with others are at risk for lasting fear responses, including crying and clinging tendencies. No thanks!
While I’d love to enjoy something with more depth, it’s not worth traumatizing my kids for a more complex storyline. It’s genuinely sweet that they’re not yet ready for some of the films their peers watch. Their innocence won’t last forever, so I’m perfectly content to make family movie nights enjoyable for my cautious kids.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s acceptance of their children’s cautious nature regarding films. Despite their vivid imaginations, the kids often find typical family-friendly movies too frightening, leading to careful selection of what to watch. The author emphasizes the importance of validating children’s feelings and not rushing them into uncomfortable experiences. Instead of pushing them to face fears, they prioritize enjoyable family movie nights.