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It’s been a few months since I walked away from my last position—a role that shattered my confidence and made me question every decision I’ve ever made. Even though I was only there for about a year, the impact was significant and long-lasting.
In retrospect, I should have sensed trouble before even accepting the job. A close friend asked me, “How is this an improvement over your current situation?” During the interview, I felt exposed; my flaws and insecurities were magnified. I was desperate to be wanted in a professional capacity, leading me to rationalize the decision to join the company.
Initially, the excitement of a new job was electrifying, but that thrill dissipated quickly. As the months rolled by, I felt increasingly manipulated. The leadership team often boasted about the “company culture,” yet their actions contradicted those claims. Less experienced individuals were frequently promoted over more qualified colleagues. Expertise and input were ignored, and management failed to advocate for their teams. Gradually, the overall morale began to decline.
I want to clarify that I did not experience outright harassment or blatant abuse. However, my sense of self-worth gradually eroded. As a competent professional with a graduate degree and years of experience, I had never felt so demoralized and uncertain. Even months after leaving, I still feel unsettled and discouraged.
Before this experience, I would have associated toxic workplaces with class-action lawsuits or overt discrimination. However, sometimes a single toxic leader can create a detrimental environment. A manager who miscommunicates with their team, or a micromanager who second-guesses every decision can lead to a hostile workplace.
“It’s not just about the common ‘Monday blues’ or occasional stressful days,” explains psychologist Laura Smith. “It’s the anxiety that arises at the mere thought of starting work. This stress can stem from high employee turnover, workplace gossip, undermining behavior among colleagues, or poor communication.”
For me, the ultimate indicator was the severe toll on my emotional and mental health. I had a strong gut feeling: “I need to escape this situation.” As noted on Career Contessa, “Just like how spoiled food gives you a stomach ache, your intuition is your best guide. If something feels off about your workplace, it probably is.”
While leaving a toxic job can be a significant first step, many people find it takes weeks or even months to fully heal. Toxic workplaces can leave lasting scars on our self-esteem and confidence. So, how can you begin to rebuild and find your footing again?
1. Recognize Your Strengths
Create a list of your skills and talents, both professional and personal. If you’re struggling to identify these, ask a supportive friend to share what they admire about you. Reflect on past positive work experiences and jot down what you excelled at.
2. Be Mindful of Your Previous Job Connections
Consider unfollowing your former boss on LinkedIn and temporarily muting posts from colleagues on social media. You don’t need to sever ties completely, but it’s wise to be intentional about your interactions with reminders of your past role.
3. Share Your Experience
If therapy is not an option, confide in a friend who has faced similar challenges. Inquire about their coping strategies. Explore self-help books on changing careers and recovering from workplace burnout. Discussing my experiences has helped me realize that my feelings are valid, and it has boosted my confidence.
4. Allow Yourself Time to Reset
Some may benefit from taking a break before starting a new job, while others might prefer to jump right in but ensure they carve out time for self-care, like daily meditation or leisurely lunch breaks. As Claire Hanrahan suggests, sometimes a complete social media detox and a few days of relaxation can work wonders.
5. Engage in Activities You Excel At
Refer back to your strengths list. Pursuing hobbies or skills—whether related to work or not—can help rebuild your confidence. If you enjoy crafting, for instance, create personalized gifts for family and friends.
6. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Acknowledge that you may not feel like yourself right now, and resist the urge to internalize negative thoughts about your worth or abilities. Surround yourself with uplifting people and activities until you regain your footing.
I understand that these steps can feel daunting. Trust me, I’m experiencing it firsthand. However, I believe that healing is possible, and brighter days await us.
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Summary:
Leaving a toxic job can be a challenging yet necessary step toward healing. It’s essential to recognize and acknowledge your strengths, create boundaries with past connections, and share your experiences with supportive friends or professionals. Taking time for self-care and engaging in activities you enjoy will also help you regain your confidence. Remember, it’s a journey, and brighter days are ahead.