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When I was 30 weeks into my last pregnancy, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. To be honest, it wasn’t as daunting as I had feared. I only missed the glucose test by a mere six points, and by monitoring my diet, I managed to keep my blood sugar levels in check. After receiving the diagnosis, I never recorded a high reading. My baby arrived healthy, showing no blood sugar-related issues at birth. Following her arrival, I continued to monitor my levels, which returned to normal even without a strict diabetic diet. I thought that chapter of my life was closed.
Fast forward to today, and that assumption was premature. I recently learned that I am among the 50% of women who develop Type 2 diabetes after experiencing gestational diabetes. The only symptom I noticed was frequent yeast infections, which led my doctor to suggest checking my A1C levels. The results revealed that my levels were in the diabetic range.
Given my history of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and my previous experience with gestational diabetes, I had prepared myself for this possibility. Both my grandmothers had diabetes, adding to the risk factors. Now, I find myself navigating the emotional landscape that accompanies this diagnosis.
Surprisingly, my primary emotion is relief. I’m thankful we caught the diabetes early, allowing me to manage it and protect my body from the potential long-term effects of high blood sugar. In just two weeks, combining medication, dietary changes, and increased exercise, my blood sugar levels have improved significantly and are almost always in the healthy range. This is encouraging, and I feel optimistic about managing my health.
Yet, the prospect of living with diabetes long-term is daunting. I understand that weight loss can help alleviate some symptoms of Type 2 diabetes, and it’s part of my treatment plan. While I typically resist weight loss recommendations for conditions unrelated to weight, I believe it makes sense in this context. Reducing my body weight can be beneficial, as research supports this approach.
What saddens me is that I’ve spent the last five years coming to terms with my body image. I’ve worked hard to feel beautiful and confident, regardless of my size. I’ve made efforts to separate my worth from my health status and to advocate for others in larger bodies who may not fit into traditional health narratives.
During this journey, I’ve found freedom in body acceptance, and surprisingly, I’ve also experienced gradual weight loss. By avoiding restrictive dieting, I’ve been able to minimize binge eating, which often followed periods of strict diets. Over the past three years, my weight has steadily declined without the chaos diet culture warned me about. I’ve achieved a balance that I never thought possible.
But if you’re judging me for my diabetes diagnosis, I want to say this: I don’t owe you an explanation for my health. The pressure to justify my body size is exhausting, especially when it stems from the stigma of existing in a larger body. I’m tired of accommodating the negativity that comes from sharing my story.
As I ponder how to balance my commitment to body acceptance with the demands of managing my diabetes, I wrestle with questions about counting carbs and monitoring my diet without falling back into old patterns of obsession with body image. The fear is real; diet culture is already trying to creep back into my mind, turning health management into an obsession with thinness.
I recognize that diabetes is manageable, and I can still enjoy food while making mindful choices. I understand that I haven’t received a death sentence regarding food celebrations. Other people with diabetes assure me that this will become second nature. I trust their words, and I know my daughter is worth all the effort.
For now, though, it’s a lot to handle. My fingers are sore from testing, and I’m overwhelmed with the details of my treatment plan. I just hope I can maintain my self-acceptance amid these changes and still see the value in my body, diabetes and all.
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