artificial insemination kit for humans
Recently, my husband took our children to the pediatrician for COVID testing after one of them was exposed to a classmate who tested positive. After a few questions directed at the kids, the doctor paused, looked at my husband, and mistakenly identified him as the kids’ foster dad.
This isn’t an isolated incident; we’ve faced this misperception multiple times. As a multiracial adoptive family for over a decade, we consist of white parents and Black children. Regardless of whether one or all of our kids are with us, medical professionals frequently assume we’re fostering.
Let me clarify: there’s nothing wrong with foster parenting. It is vital work, especially considering there are 400,000 children in foster care in the U.S., with 120,000 waiting for adoption. The challenges faced by foster families are immense, as many children enter the system due to trauma and neglect. Statistically, around 20,000 children age out of the foster system every year without a permanent family. These numbers are alarming.
However, just because a family comprises individuals of different races does not mean the children are in foster care. In fact, the majority of children in foster care are white. To assume that two white parents with Black children are foster parents is a stereotype rooted in racial bias.
A Personal Experience
Years ago, I accompanied my eldest to the hospital for a scheduled tonsillectomy. During the registration process, the attendant asked for our insurance card, which included all our names. Despite sharing the same last name and being part of the same insurance policy, she frowned and inquired after my daughter’s “papers”—documents proving her relationship to me. My daughter, only five at the time, was already anxious about her surgery, and I found myself trying to reassure her while dealing with the attendant’s inappropriate questioning.
I asked what she meant by “papers,” explaining that we weren’t told to bring anything other than the insurance card. I pointed out that my daughter was calling me “Mommy,” and we shared a last name. The attendant continued to press for proof, while another white couple with a white child nearby faced no such scrutiny. It was infuriating.
I understand that medical professionals need to identify the adult accompanying a child, but when they interrogate and make unfounded assumptions, it diverts attention from the purpose of the appointment to an unnecessary discussion about adoption and race. Families come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and it’s crucial for professionals to recognize this diversity.
Finding a New Pediatrician
When we searched for a new pediatrician, an intake nurse similarly assumed I was the foster mother. Again, I reminded her that we share a last name, and my relationship is simply “Mom.” This is not just about my identity; it’s about my children’s rights to not be othered in public spaces.
Medical appointments are often stressful, and the last thing families need is to feel further marginalized by those meant to care for them. Professionals should ask tactfully about relationships, perhaps by asking the child who brought them or directly inquiring about the adult’s relationship to the child. This way, the focus remains on the child’s care, not on assumptions based on race.
After my husband corrected the doctor, saying, “I’m their dad,” our kids found the incident a bit amusing when they shared it at home. We joked about how they could have told the doctor he was their “white dad.” In our home, we are just a normal family, but outside, some people struggle to accept that families can look different and still be completely valid.
Resources for Family Building
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination and family building, check out our recent article on this topic. For those seeking additional resources, Make a Mom is a trusted source on fertility. You can also refer to Genetics and IVF Institute for excellent information on pregnancy and insemination.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it’s essential for medical professionals to understand that family structures are diverse and that assumptions based on race can lead to unnecessary discomfort and misidentification. Families don’t need to match racially to be real families.