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Since my child was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, many people feel compelled to share stories about how they believe my child will eventually “thrive.” They often recount tales of someone they know who is autistic and exceptionally gifted, as if that should offer me reassurance. It’s like they’re dangling a promise that soon my child will be living the extraordinary life they describe.
I understand that these intentions come from a good place. In fact, I share similar hopes and dreams for my child. However, autism is not solely about gifted individuals with niche interests, and I’m exhausted by the tendency of others to inadvertently impose this stereotype onto my child and the broader autistic community.
We frequently see representations of autistic individuals in movies and shows, often portrayed as using their unique abilities to achieve remarkable things. We might even read about renowned historical figures suspected of being on the spectrum, like Thomas Edison. Conversely, we may encounter portrayals of nonverbal autistic individuals with exaggerated traits. Regardless of the spectrum’s depiction, what’s missing is authentic representation of those who actually live with autism.
When neurotypical individuals speak on behalf of the autistic community, it perpetuates misconceptions about what it truly means to be autistic. This isn’t empowering or validating for those with autism; rather, it can be harmful.
The expectations placed on autistic children often far exceed those expected of neurotypical kids. No one approaches parents of neurotypical children to say, “My child used to be just like yours; she’s now a famous motivational speaker. Yours will be too!” For one, that would be awkward, and two, someone else’s child has no bearing on my own—this holds true for autistic children as well.
To foster an inclusive environment for individuals with autism and their families, we must prioritize the voices of autistic people. We need to consider the full spectrum of autism, rather than just the aspects we find most appealing or “hopeful.”
Some autistic children may never verbally communicate, while others might express themselves fluently and at an earlier age than their peers. Both are equally autistic and deserve respect and dignity, regardless of their communication abilities.
My child may not yet be able to articulate her thirst or hunger, but at nearly four years old, she’s adept at troubleshooting our iPad when her siblings have messed with the settings. Despite being nonverbal and facing cognitive delays, she communicates in her unique ways. We’ve dedicated countless hours to therapy and efforts at home to understand her preferred methods of communication. We’ve shared tearful moments when she desperately needed something I couldn’t decipher, along with joyful celebrations when we finally connected.
I wish people understood that my child’s diagnosis isn’t the first thing I see when I look at her. I don’t feel sadness or discouragement about who she is or what she can achieve. I don’t see her as a “superhuman,” despite the natural bias any parent holds for their child. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t need an uplifting story to maintain a positive outlook on my child’s life.
She is who she is, and I love her completely for it.
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Summary:
In this article, a parent shares their experience navigating the world of autism after their child’s diagnosis. They express frustration with unsolicited anecdotes that reinforce stereotypes and highlight the importance of recognizing the full spectrum of autism. The piece advocates for a deeper understanding of autism and underscores the love and acceptance parents have for their children, regardless of their communication abilities.