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When the pandemic struck, my partner began working from home in March. I was already working remotely, so we found ourselves together all day, every day. He attempted to set up a home office in our closet, but the kids would burst in countless times with questions or requests. Eventually, he ended up working at the dining table. From that moment, our roles as parents became magnified because we couldn’t escape the responsibilities.
With the kids attending virtual classes and both of us juggling work from home, our parenting styles came to the forefront. Previously, I managed the household during the day while my partner would step in after his 6 PM workday. We had a routine—until the pandemic disrupted everything. This experience fundamentally altered our approach to parenting.
It seems that every parent I encounter has a distinct style compared to their partner (if applicable). Our methods reflect the parenting we experienced in our own childhoods. In our home, I tend to be the more disciplined parent, often insisting on things being done my way. In contrast, my partner embraces a fun-loving approach, readily dropping everything to play games or assist the kids with their creative ideas.
As we adjusted to being together constantly, our parenting weaknesses became evident. I found myself frustrated with how easily my partner got distracted, often yielding to the kids’ demands. Conversely, he felt I needed to lighten up. I tend to believe in a hierarchy where I am at the top, while he favors open discussions and compromises. I don’t negotiate, but with him, everything seems up for debate.
The pandemic blurred the previously distinct lines between school, play, and home life. We became the co-captains of a chaotic ship, and navigating our differing parenting styles proved challenging. Over the past year and a half—can you believe it’s been that long?—we’ve had to adapt our parenting strategies. Countless family meetings have been called to resolve issues ranging from minor squabbles over chargers to significant problems like sibling disputes.
At times, my partner and I needed to learn to relax. It was infuriating when the kids neglected chores or failed to put things back where they belonged. One child even shouted for help instead of simply replacing the toilet paper! Although an array of new challenges surfaced, none were catastrophic to our family unit. We learned to take deep breaths and carefully choose our battles.
Being a type A personality, I realized I could no longer handle the confusion that stemmed from living and working in the same space. I needed to introduce some structure to our chaotic lives, so I created charts—lots of charts. Each child received a daily to-do list covering music practice, school assignments, and chores. I also implemented a meal schedule to prevent the kids from endlessly raiding the kitchen like a swarm of hungry sharks.
Naturally, the kids resisted my attempts to instill a routine. They flocked to their dad for extra snacks and assistance with projects during his work hours, and he typically caved. Kids thrive on structure; they need to know what to expect. It’s crucial for us to present a united front, so they don’t pit us against each other.
Observing my partner patiently assist our daughter with her drum practice made me realize that while I excel at organizing, I needed to focus more on connecting with our kids. My partner truly prioritizes building relationships, which is something I admire. I’m pleased to say that I’ve managed to slow down and engage in more one-on-one time with our children.
Our differing parenting styles have fostered a better balance, especially as we continue navigating this pandemic. Three of our four kids have returned to in-person learning, which alleviates some pressure, as we no longer have the dual roles of parent and teacher—because parenting alone is quite the task.
Each of our children is at a different developmental stage, complicating matters further. One child insists on fairness, requiring us to explain that each child’s needs are unique. For instance, a twelve-year-old naturally has different privileges compared to an eight-year-old. My partner and I have learned to communicate behind closed doors about issues and present a cohesive approach to our kids, ensuring we’re aligned rather than acting as adversaries.
Parenting during this pandemic has compelled us to collaborate even more and address long-standing issues. We used to avoid discussing our differences, but constant parenting mode made that impossible. Our disparities can be beneficial, but sometimes we must unite for the sake of our family’s well-being.
It’s worth noting that not everything has been resolved. One child still forgets to refill the toilet paper, lies persist, and daily squabbles continue. This period of our lives has undoubtedly felt like a grand parenting experiment, but hopefully, we are emerging as better parents for it.
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Summary:
The pandemic has transformed family dynamics into an ongoing parenting experiment, revealing differences in parenting styles while forcing families to adapt. The author reflects on the challenges of working from home, managing children’s education, and finding balance in their parenting approach. Through the chaos, they emphasize the importance of structure, communication, and connection in nurturing their family.