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Just before I tied the knot, I had a conversation with the mother of one of my closest friends. She shared a story about her parents, who lived through the Great Depression and were always exceptionally frugal. She once thought they were financially struggling until her grandfather discovered over fifty thousand dollars in cash after her grandmother passed away. She had cleverly stashed it away in empty cereal boxes, tucked between the mattress and the box spring, and even hidden some in the freezer and behind paintings.
Her mother, a stay-at-home parent who occasionally baked for events, never felt the need to disclose her side earnings to her husband. He relied heavily on her for household responsibilities and never took notice of the extra money she earned. It was as if she had a secret stash, waiting for a potential escape plan. “My grandmother must have been preparing for a rainy day,” her daughter mused, “but my mom always warned me to ensure I had my own funds, as she felt she lacked that independence.”
Another friend told me her mother managed the household finances. While her husband worked, she stayed home and often used money he provided for shopping, secretly putting purchases on credit so he wouldn’t see the bills. Many women share this story, feeling trapped in their marriages because they lack financial autonomy.
My own mother experienced similar struggles, which influenced her long-lasting marriage, despite her dissatisfaction. When I got married, I ignored these warnings and put all my trust in my husband. We shared a checking account, and I never thought about the implications if our marriage were to end. Despite being on the home title and checking accounts, I hadn’t earned any income in over thirteen years.
After realizing my marriage was nearing its conclusion, I read about a woman who depended entirely on her husband for financial security. She remained in a miserable relationship until she decided to take charge of her finances, which ultimately led to her newfound happiness and independence, even if it meant ending her marriage.
Initially, I felt overwhelmed. How could I transition from financial dependence to independence after so long? I thought about staying in my marriage simply because I feared I wouldn’t manage on my own. But then I recognized the urgency to take control of my finances.
I understand that saving up for yourself is a privilege and not everyone has this opportunity. However, establishing a small fund for yourself—should the need arise—can be empowering. It doesn’t have to be a large amount; even a few dollars saved regularly can serve as a safety net.
Get involved in your household finances and stay updated on your financial situation. Many women are unaware of their household’s financial landscape. Having your own savings doesn’t mean concealing money or lying to your partner; it’s about being informed and having a plan.
You can start small—save change, open a separate savings account, or ask for gifts that contribute to your fund. I began working from home, selling unused clothes, and budgeting more effectively, which gradually helped my savings grow.
It’s crucial for everyone, especially married women, to have their own financial resources. I have a friend who was studying nursing full-time and caring for two young children when her husband left her. With no name on the house and credit cards closed, she faced enormous challenges. Fortunately, her parents could help, but not everyone has that support.
When my marriage ended, I needed to figure out how to sustain myself and my desire for independence. Had I saved money for myself during my marriage, I would’ve faced the transition with more confidence and ease.
Maintaining a joint account is fine, but be mindful of your household finances. If possible, set aside funds solely for yourself. This isn’t about preparing for a breakup; it’s about fostering your empowerment. Life can be unpredictable, and it’s better to be prepared and save when times are good rather than scrambling when crises arise.
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