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As a parent with nearly 15 years of experience, I can attest to the overwhelming sensation of parental burnout. For me, it manifests as an exhaustion that transcends mere physical tiredness. It feels like a heavy weight pressing down on me, leading to emotional and physical depletion. There are times I just want to escape my family and responsibilities entirely. Mundane tasks can feel insurmountable, and I often find myself feeling numb and detached.
Fortunately, these bouts of burnout are interspersed with moments of joy and stability. Thankfully, parenting has become easier since my children were younger. I’ve learned to seek help and accept assistance when it’s offered. I’ve also developed the courage to decline extra commitments that don’t benefit myself or my kids. The pursuit of perfection in parenting is no longer my goal; being “good enough” is perfectly acceptable.
I realize that I am not alone in experiencing parental burnout—many parents feel the same way. In fact, I suspect that every parent I know has faced some form of burnout, unless they have the resources to hire a complete support team, including a housekeeper, a chef, a tutor, and more.
It didn’t come as a shock to me when I saw recent research indicating that the U.S. ranks second in the world for parental burnout, with 7.9% of parents feeling this way. This study, conducted by a team from UCLouvain in Belgium, found that Belgian parents lead with the highest rates (8.1%), followed by U.S. parents, and then Polish parents at 7.7%.
The research involved over 17,000 parents from 42 countries. Although conducted between 2018 and 2020, the results were finalized by March 2020, which means they do not reflect the additional strains of pandemic parenting.
As explained by Science Alert, the findings varied significantly across countries, but those with the highest levels of burnout shared a common characteristic: a cultural emphasis on individualism. This trend was consistent regardless of family size or economic status. In cultures that prioritize individualism, like the United States, cooperative parenting models are often downplayed, leading to heightened parental burnout.
The researchers noted that individualism contributes more to parental burnout than economic disparities or other family characteristics. In these cultures, parenthood is viewed as a high-pressure performance, with parents often judging themselves and others based on their parenting skills. This has made issues such as nutrition, discipline, and bedtime rituals politically charged topics.
I can’t help but wonder if factors like inadequate parental leave and the lack of universal childcare in the U.S. exacerbate this problem. Many mothers are expected to return to work just weeks after giving birth, contributing to feelings of burnout.
As the study authors highlight, parental burnout is not just an unpleasant experience; if left unaddressed, it can lead to severe consequences, including mental health issues, substance abuse, and even neglect or violence toward children.
I’m unsure of the solutions to the high rates of parental burnout in the U.S. However, one silver lining of the pandemic may be that it has forced many parents to confront the factors causing their burnout and to advocate for change.
Despite the challenges, I remain hopeful. There are countless parents who strive to raise their children with love and safety while managing the stress of parenting. I believe the new generation of children—who are proving to be resilient and assertive—will challenge the outdated societal norms that hold us back.
Parenting should not be as overwhelming as it often is. We have the potential to do better, and we must strive for improvement.
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