Meditation Amplifies My Anxiety

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The other night, I was sprawled on the couch, lost in a TV show, when my partner walked in. He settled next to me, turned off the screen, and dimmed the lights. Then he pulled out his phone and began a guided meditation. You know the type — deep breaths in and out.

I attempted to join in. My body was still, eyes shut, lying comfortably on my back. I heard every suggestion, every command. To an outsider, I probably appeared serene. But inside, my breathing was erratic, and my heart raced. My legs trembled, and I felt an unsettling vibration coursing through me. My mind was a whirlwind. Why? Because meditation only heightens my anxiety. I was on the brink of a panic attack.

I understand how odd this sounds. Meditation is meant to soothe the mind and body, after all. Yet, despite numerous attempts in various settings and with different audio tracks, I just can’t get the hang of it. Focusing on my breath makes my heart rate spike. I sweat profusely and shake uncontrollably. The aftermath leaves me feeling more anxious. Silence becomes my enemy. Calmness feels foreign.

It turns out I’m not alone in this experience. Research from Coventry University indicates that around one in twelve individuals who attempt meditation face adverse effects, including heightened anxiety and worsening depression. “While meditation works for many, it has certainly been overhyped and isn’t universally beneficial,” explains Miguel Farias, a researcher involved in the study. Some individuals even report panic attacks or psychosis. For me, quiet moments lead to my negative thoughts gaining strength, whispering that I’m not enough, that I should just disappear. When I’m battling depression, those thoughts can become dangerously overwhelming.

A 2017 study from Brown University corroborates these findings, revealing that many meditators encounter feelings of fear, anxiety, and even paranoia. Meditation instructors have also acknowledged these potential side effects. “When people try to quiet their thoughts, their minds can ‘rebel,’ leading to increased anxiety or depression,” says Katie Sparks, a psychologist and member of the British Psychological Society.

It’s important to note that while these studies may have limitations, including small sample sizes and self-reported data, if you feel heightened anxiety during or after meditation, know that you’re not alone. This practice isn’t suitable for everyone.

As for me, I’ve chosen to steer clear of meditation for now. Instead, I’ll focus on strategies that actually work for me. I run — often covering 30 miles or more each week. I meet my therapist weekly, and in moments of crisis, I reach out for a quick chat. My psychiatrist is a vital support, and I take medication as needed, without shame. Ultimately, what matters is how you feel during your practices.

If meditation benefits you, that’s fantastic! Keep it up. But if you find yourself feeling worse after a session, take a step back to reevaluate. Understanding what works best for you and your mental well-being is crucial.

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Summary:

Meditation can intensify anxiety for some individuals, as evidenced by personal experiences and various studies. While many find peace in meditation, others may experience panic or heightened negative thoughts. It’s essential to recognize what practices work for you, and if meditation exacerbates anxiety, consider alternative coping strategies.