6 Things We Should Stop Saying to Kids Right Now

Kids have a way of surprising us with their insights, but what about the things we say to them? As parents, we often express things in frustration or fatigue, and sometimes we parrot phrases we heard as children without realizing their impact. Many parenting books exist because we’re all navigating this journey with varying degrees of uncertainty. Here are six phrases we should cease to use with our kids.

Money

“I don’t know how we’ll afford that.”
“You just cost me [insert amount] of money.”
“I work to earn money for your needs.”
“My salary isn’t your concern.”

Kids are naturally curious about finances and should learn about the value of money and its limitations. Financial stress shouldn’t be their burden; they need to feel secure, regardless of monetary situation. Brad Klontz, a clinical psychologist, advises against sharing financial worries that could cause anxiety. Instead, teach them that money is a tool, not a definition of identity.

Emotions

“Stop crying.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“You’re okay.”
“Don’t be a baby.”
“Just relax.”
“Calm down.”

Anyone who’s been told to “calm down” while upset knows how ineffective that is. Kids experience intense emotions but often lack the tools to manage them. Karen R. Koenig, a social worker, emphasizes the importance of validating their feelings, even if we disagree. Losing a turn on a swing might seem trivial to us, but it’s significant to them. Acknowledge their feelings and help them articulate their emotions rather than dismissing them.

Consent

“Just give Grandma a hug.”
“You need to share.”
“Always listen to adults.”
“It’s rude to refuse to play with them.”
“We only hurt the ones we love.”

Teaching kids about boundaries is vital. They should feel empowered to control who touches them, even family. This includes asking for consent and respecting others’ boundaries. Kids aren’t obligated to be friends with everyone, so we must stop pushing them to tolerate discomfort for the sake of politeness.

Body Image

“Finish everything on your plate.”
“You’re getting a bit chubby; exercise more.”
“I can’t eat that; I’m on a diet.”

In a world where diet culture prevails, we can combat harmful messages by teaching kids that food fuels our bodies. Exercise should be about feeling good, not merely weight loss. We must model a healthy relationship with food and movement, focusing on the positive aspects of our bodies rather than any perceived flaws.

Confidence

“You can be anything you want to be.”
“You’re so smart!”
“Just try harder.”
“You’re perfect as you are.”
“Practice makes perfect.”

We shouldn’t inflate kids’ egos with unrealistic praise nor should we set them up for failure with impossible expectations. Failure is a natural part of growth. Instead of focusing solely on grades or achievements, celebrate their efforts and creativity. Perfection is unattainable, so encourage them to embrace improvement over flawlessness.

Gendered Expectations

“Toughen up, crying is for girls.” (to boys)
“Girls can’t do that.” (to any gender)
“Is she your girlfriend?” (to boys with female friends)
“When you get married…”
“[Object] is for [gender].”

We need to stop imposing gender stereotypes on our children. Interests, hobbies, and emotions don’t have a gender; they should be free to express themselves without societal limitations. Let them navigate their identities authentically.

While there are countless other things we should reconsider saying, striving for thoughtful communication is essential. If we make a mistake, we can always revisit the conversation with our kids, showing them that humility fosters trust and respect.

For more insightful topics on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog.

Search Queries:

In summary, it’s crucial for us as parents to be mindful of the language we use with our children. We can shape their understanding of emotions, relationships, and self-worth positively by avoiding harmful phrases.