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If you’re raising a child with ADHD, you understand that it’s far more than just occasional forgetfulness or restlessness. ADHD is a multifaceted condition that presents uniquely in every individual. When you mention your child’s ADHD, you often encounter misconceptions and assumptions from those who are uninformed or misguided.
As a parent of two children with ADHD, I’ve learned that each diagnosis is distinct, as are the treatment approaches. Yet, a common thread between them is the overwhelming sense of shame they experience.
Children with ADHD are not indifferent; they don’t wish to be forgetful or disorganized. They genuinely want to succeed in their tasks, but sometimes their minds simply don’t cooperate. I’ve witnessed this struggle in my own home with my two boys. When they fail to complete tasks—sometimes because they genuinely can’t—they are often weighed down by shame. They feel as though they’ve let themselves down over what may seem like simple responsibilities. As a parent, it’s painful to see.
Dr. Lisa Hartman, a specialist in ADHD, notes, “For those living with ADHD, shame often stems from the constant feeling of not meeting expectations from parents, educators, peers, and society at large.” It’s estimated that children with ADHD receive approximately 20,000 more negative messages than positive ones by the time they turn ten. They can start to see themselves as inherently flawed and different from their peers.
I’ve observed my oldest son’s self-esteem decline significantly due to feelings of guilt linked to his ADHD. He struggles with completing homework and tasks that should come easily. To help him, we got him a smartwatch for reminders. While it works sometimes, he sometimes dismisses those alerts, distracted by other things. When I have to remind him about missed responsibilities, he often feels frustrated with himself, which is heart-wrenching for me to witness.
While medication plays a role in managing ADHD, it isn’t a panacea. It can help, but it does not alter who he is, nor would I want it to. I just wish his daily life could be simpler. This struggle is ongoing, and his doctors have cautioned us that it may not resolve quickly, a thought that’s hard for me to bear.
His differences lead him to feel inferior. He often compares himself to siblings and friends without ADHD, whom he sees as having no “problems.” I try to reassure him that his brain simply works differently, but that reassurance doesn’t always ease his concerns. He perceives himself as the one who can’t keep organized or complete tasks on time. He feels like he is constantly in trouble, and I worry that I may be contributing to that sentiment.
Thankfully, he has started seeing a counselor who has made a breakthrough with him. This counselor recognizes his intelligence and explains his ADHD in relatable terms. By detailing how his brain functions differently from his peers, my son is beginning to realize that his struggles aren’t his fault, and that he can take steps to help himself.
Teaching self-reliance is crucial in our journey. My son often tries to deflect responsibility for his actions onto his ADHD or the effects of his medication, but his counselor is guiding him away from that mindset. He is learning to take ownership of his behavior, to push through challenges, and not to give up simply because things become tough. It’s a significant challenge, but I see him making an effort—and that’s all I can ask for.
ADHD is complex, and there’s a wealth of information available, both helpful and misleading. Recently, I discovered a TikTok account that has provided valuable insights into ADHD. In concise clips, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of my children’s experiences. While my younger son faces different challenges, the guilt and shame persist, and it saddens me.
Every day, I strive to support my children as they navigate their daily hurdles while building their emotional resilience. It’s a difficult task, but I consistently remind them of their intelligence, strength, and worth. I refuse to see them as failures simply because their thought processes differ from mine. They deserve the same love and recognition as any other child.
During the challenging tween and teenage years, self-esteem is already fragile, and ADHD only adds to that pressure. While medication and counseling can aid in managing symptoms, I continuously emphasize that their differences don’t signify weakness; they simply make them unique. ADHD does not define them; it presents challenges to overcome together, ultimately fostering a stronger sense of self-worth.
For more insights into navigating the complexities of parenthood with ADHD, check out this related blog post here. For guidance on your fertility journey, visit Make a Mom, an authority on the subject. Also, for those interested in understanding more about pregnancy and home insemination, WebMD is an excellent resource.
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In summary, ADHD comes with its own set of challenges, but it should not define a child’s worth or potential. With understanding, support, and appropriate resources, we can help children with ADHD navigate their journey and foster their self-esteem.