5 Insights I Wish I’d Had About Solo Parenting Two Tweens

This past weekend, while navigating the challenges of solo parenting two tweens, I reached a tipping point. My son erupted in frustration over the new screen time regulation I had enforced, which prohibited phones, tablets, and video games after a certain hour. Although he could stay up a bit later if he wasn’t tired, screens were off-limits. His reaction was one of fury, claiming that all his friends were allowed to stay on their devices as long as they wanted. Both of us ended up angry—he, in an effort to assert his independence, and I, grappling with self-doubt and a longing for another adult who understood and cared for my children to share the load.

After a night filled with mutual frustration, as I lay in bed, I reflected on how unprepared I was for this phase of parenting. It felt like just yesterday my kids were small, and now here they were, navigating the complex world of tweens. I realized how different this stage of parenting is compared to when they were younger. Since I can’t rewind time, I want to share what I’ve learned for other solo parents who may soon find themselves in a similar situation.

Self-Doubt is Ubiquitous

Without another parent to discuss rules and discipline strategies with, it’s challenging to gauge whether my reactions are too harsh or too lenient. Friends and family can offer advice, but nothing compares to the input of someone who loves your tween just as much as you do. While I’m not sure how to silence that inner critic, it’s reassuring to know that many others share this experience. Find ways to quiet that nagging voice of inadequacy; your tweens recognize your worth.

Guilt is Ever-Present

As I watch my tweens face social and academic challenges, guilt often creeps in. I find myself thinking that if I had more time, or wasn’t so busy juggling everything, I could have supported them better or engaged in more enriching activities. However, the truth is, you can always think of what more you could have done, but what matters is what you have done. For me, the best antidote to guilt is to focus on being present with my tweens, rather than constantly “doing” for them. I’ve found that this simple act makes them feel secure and happy.

Burnout Hits New Heights

It’s undeniable—parenting tweens is tough. The emotional and mental toll is something I never anticipated when I was a weary mom of toddlers hoping for a good night’s sleep. Solo parenting adds another layer of complexity, one that can only be understood through lived experience. The challenges of managing two tweens alone is like nothing I have encountered before. I can’t even find the right word to encapsulate the chaotic whirlwind that is solo parenting two tweens, given how utterly drained I feel!

Fun Awaits with Your Tweens

Despite the challenges, there are moments of sheer joy. I get to witness their silliness, laughter, and those little quirks they might not share with anyone else. They’re old enough to enjoy more advanced movies but still young enough to think that a late-night movie with mom is a blast. Every day, I wish their father could experience these moments too, but I also feel incredibly fortunate to be present for both of us.

A Unique Bond Forms

Perhaps the most significant insight I wish I had known is how special the relationship with my tweens would be. As a single parent, we function like a tripod—strong and balanced. There’s no division of responsibilities like there would be in a two-parent household. You become your kids’ sanctuary, and even though it’s demanding, knowing that your presence offers them safety makes the exhaustion and self-doubt feel secondary. Our shared experiences of trauma, loss, and grief have forged a bond that allows us to communicate openly.

After our intense disagreement, my son called out to me in a familiar voice, reaching for a hug. We talked, and even though we didn’t resolve the screen time issue, we both went to bed knowing we were loved. Ultimately, what I wish I had known about solo parenting tweens is that it can be chaotic, but it’s also filled with love.

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Summary

Solo parenting two tweens can be an incredibly challenging yet rewarding experience. It involves navigating self-doubt and guilt, facing burnout, and cherishing the unique bonds formed through shared experiences. Despite the chaos, it’s essential to find joy in everyday moments and recognize the love that underpins this journey.