10 Essential Insights About Your Child's Autism Diagnosis

“Yeah, I’m going to give her an autism diagnosis,” the doctor said. “She’ll be able to attend a BBQ, but she’ll never be able to host one.”

I was taken aback. My daughter was just two! What if she doesn’t even like BBQ? I wondered if they believed I couldn’t handle more constructive information or if they were merely trying to connect with my experiences. All I absorbed were the predetermined limitations my child supposedly faced for the rest of her life. (By the way, she adores BBQs!)

Hand in hand, I left the developmental pediatrician’s office, my daughter joyfully taking in every sight and sound around her, while I was overwhelmed with uncertainty and fear. What do I do now?

I saw the signs coming; I had already descended into the depths of Google’s rabbit hole of despair. (Beware of late-night Googling when you’re hyper-fixated and dealing with undiagnosed ADHD.) But now, it was no longer a hypothetical situation—it was real.

Yes, it’s scary to hear that your beloved child has received a diagnosis that many dread. But do you know why this diagnosis is often perceived as frightening? Because that’s the narrative that gets attention. Fear is a powerful motivator. The truth is, we often fear what we do not comprehend. If you’re new to understanding autism, I have some uplifting news: Your child will be okay, and so will you.

Here’s the list I desperately needed that day—a guide to transform the confusion swirling in my mind into tangible steps forward.

1. Take a Breath.

Yes, it sounds cliché, but it’s crucial. Initially, you’re bombarded with suggestions to start every possible therapy. Pause. Take a moment to breathe. Spend time at the park enjoying your child—the one you cherish more than anything. It’s beneficial for both of you. Start from a place of love. Your child remains the same person they were before the diagnosis; the only change is your understanding of how their brain functions differently. There’s so much to learn about your child and yourself—embrace the journey!

2. Listen to Autistic Voices.

This has been one of the most transformative actions I’ve taken since my child’s diagnosis. Initially, I never considered that autistic adults existed; I thought it was something that primarily affected kids, especially boys. However, autistic children grow into autistic adults, many of whom are eager to share their experiences to support kids and their families. When you engage with these communities, prioritize listening and learning. Their focus will be on helping your child, not your feelings. Be prepared to grow and evolve.

3. Explore Your Options.

You may be overwhelmed with recommendations for various therapies, making it seem like there’s only one path forward. Look closely at your child, the one you would do anything to support, and research thoroughly. Listen to the perspectives of autistic individuals regarding therapies before committing to any that promise to make your child “normal.” These aren’t quick fixes.

4. Your Child is Not Broken.

It’s vital that both you and your child understand this. Living your life feeling fundamentally flawed due to the perceptions of others is painful. Create a nurturing environment where your child feels fully accepted for who they are. Learn about neurodiversity and how it helps reduce stigma around brain variations.

5. Build Your Support Network.

The people you surround yourself with will significantly influence your thoughts and feelings about your child. Avoid groups that focus solely on complaints or negative experiences. Seek out individuals who prioritize supporting your child and offer knowledge and understanding to help both of you.

6. Embrace the Learning Process.

You might feel inundated with information about autism, akin to drinking from a firehose. Instead, let it rain down on you and embrace the experience. Take your time to understand, ask questions, and acknowledge that it’s okay to make mistakes. As you learn more, you’ll start to see patterns and understand the culture surrounding autism—yes, autistic people have a culture too!

7. Understand the Spectrum.

Many people might ask, “Where does your child fall on the spectrum?” It’s essential to know that the spectrum is not a linear concept. For a clearer perspective, check out this insightful comic by autistic artist Rebecca Burgess that illustrates the spectrum’s complexity.

8. Celebrate Your Child’s Identity.

I’ve made a conscious choice to use “autistic” rather than “has autism.” This is known as identity-first language, which many in the autistic community prefer. It’s crucial to respect how individuals choose to identify themselves. As a parent, my role is to listen to those with similar experiences to my daughter’s and support her choices regarding her identity as she grows.

9. Adjust to Your New Normal.

It’s perfectly acceptable for your family to operate differently from others. Letting go of societal expectations can be liberating. I found that by ceasing to compare our journey with others, I felt a sense of relief. There’s no need to adhere to arbitrary timelines or milestones to feel valued and loved. Let your child lead the way and enjoy the journey together.

10. Your Child is Enough.

Ultimately, remember that your child is enough just as they are. Embrace their uniqueness and support them in their journey through life.

This article was originally published on November 5, 2021.

For more insights on parenting and related topics, check out our other posts, including this one about home insemination kits. For more information on artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom. For a comprehensive understanding of pregnancy, explore resources at News Medical.

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Summary:

Navigating your child’s autism diagnosis can be overwhelming, but understanding and acceptance are key. It’s important to take a moment to breathe and embrace your child’s unique identity. Seek out authentic voices from the autistic community, explore your options for support, and celebrate your child’s individuality. Adjusting to a new normal may take time, but remember that your child is enough just as they are.

10 Essential Insights About Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis