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Hello, dear friend.
Can I refer to you as a friend? While we may not know each other personally, I relate to your feelings and thoughts during this challenging time. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and at your wits’ end. You’re terrified, not just for yourself but also for someone you care about deeply. You’re probably searching for answers, for a glimmer of hope, and wishing for this painful ordeal to conclude.
You love someone who is battling alcoholism, and their struggle is taking a toll on both of you. Their drinking and harmful behaviors are impacting your relationship and your well-being. Yes, it’s affecting you, too.
At this moment, your primary concern might be: How can I make my partner see they have a problem? How can I persuade them to put down the bottle? How can I get them to stop drinking? I understand these thoughts because I have been in your shoes. My partner battled alcoholism for over a decade, and I desperately sought solutions. I searched for ways to alleviate both his suffering and mine. However, let me be candid with you: while you might be able to make them stop drinking temporarily—just as my partner took breaks—your long-term efforts will likely be in vain.
The hard truth is that no one can truly seek help unless they recognize their own problem. Every person struggling with addiction must reach their own breaking point and hit their own rock bottom. Nothing you do can change that. It’s frustrating and disheartening, but the one thing you can control is yourself.
I know how difficult this is to accept, and I understand it may not be what you want to hear. When I attended Al-Anon before my partner found sobriety, I walked out in disbelief when I heard these words. It felt like nonsense. But I share this truth with you because it is vital: you cannot save your partner. The only person you can save is yourself. You need to reach out, seek help, and establish boundaries. You must prioritize your own well-being.
I understand how awful that sounds. How could you stand by while someone you love is in pain? You made promises of loyalty in sickness and in health, and your partner is indeed suffering. But consider this: if you saw a car speeding towards a brick wall, would you throw yourself in front of it? You might yell and try to get the driver’s attention, but stepping in front of the vehicle would only worsen the situation.
Now let’s return to you, the one at the center of this storm. If you can’t stop your partner from drinking, what can you do? Is your marriage doomed? Is your life without hope? First and foremost, ensure your own safety. If you are in danger, seek help immediately—be it legal, physical, or shelter-related. Stop making excuses for your partner; by doing so, you are enabling their addiction.
You deserve support. Seek out Al-Anon, counseling, or a support group. Talk to someone who can help you regain your strength and reconnect with yourself. Determine your boundaries: what you can bear, what you will not tolerate, and when you might need to walk away. Remember, your partner’s addiction is not your fault—no matter what they say or imply.
Alcoholism is a complex disease, characterized by mental, emotional, and physical compulsion. While it can be managed, it cannot be cured. But that doesn’t mean all is lost. Neither you nor your partner is beyond hope, but the situation is indeed different—it’s a “new normal.” Whether you are married to an active alcoholic or someone in recovery, loving an alcoholic is undeniably challenging. You must decide if the good outweighs the bad or if it’s time to move on.
Ultimately, there is no definitive answer. Choosing to leave does not mean you’ve failed; choosing to stay doesn’t mean you’re weak. Whatever decision you make is valid for you in this moment.
So, love yourself and forgive yourself. You deserve it.
For additional insights, consider reading more on home insemination kits or exploring resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, if you find yourself in a relationship with an alcoholic, it’s essential to remember that you can only control your own actions. Prioritize your well-being, seek support, and establish clear boundaries. You deserve happiness and health, regardless of your partner’s struggles.