Understanding Intimate Partner Violence Beyond Physical Abuse

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When we think of intimate partner violence (IPV), we often envision the physical scars that tell a painful story. We picture someone visibly battered, desperately trying to hide their wounds. While this is a stark reality for many, the truth is that IPV can take many forms, not all of which are immediately recognizable. That’s a troubling fact: some individuals only believe in the existence of abuse when they can see the evidence.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines intimate partner violence as encompassing physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression from a current or former partner. Yet, many people, including those experiencing it, primarily associate abuse with physical harm. The statistics are alarming; according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have endured IPV. I stand among that statistic as a survivor.

It took me a long time to embrace the label of “survivor.” Initially, I doubted my experiences and felt they didn’t warrant that title. Many of us dismiss our experiences, thinking, “He never physically harmed me; can I really call it abuse?” or “She only belittled me; perhaps I should have been stronger?” The truth is, no one deserves to be stalked, manipulated, or abused, regardless of the circumstances.

This silence we maintain around such matters allows intimate partner violence to flourish. I recall a specific incident from my past relationship that highlights this issue. At the time, I didn’t recognize the signs of abuse. He was always watching me, but I had been in this toxic relationship for so long that my instincts were dulled. It didn’t even register that someone I loved could stalk me.

The relentless phone calls and texts seemed normal. They were coming from my husband, the father of my children, after all. I thought that this behavior was part of love and concern. But the lines of what is acceptable blurred. I remember being out with his sister, and my phone buzzing incessantly with messages questioning my whereabouts. The day I received a text at work asking what I was doing, I thought it was strange. But when the accusatory messages followed, complete with a photo of me taken without my knowledge, it hit me hard.

He had followed me, watching me from a distance. In that moment, the reality of the situation began to dawn on me. I was too frightened to confront him, not wanting to trigger another explosive argument. Every return home filled me with dread, as I knew I was stepping back into a situation that felt more like a prison than a safe space.

Writing this down feels surreal, almost crazy. It seems so clear now that none of this was normal. I came from a supportive family and had a good education; how did I miss the signs? The painful truth is that intimate partner violence can affect anyone, regardless of background. Just look at the claims of abuse made by FKA Twigs against Shia LaBeouf. Despite her fame and resources, she too faced similar struggles.

Talking about my experiences remains difficult, yet I do so with a sense of purpose. I want to reach out to anyone enduring this reality and emphasize that it is not okay and certainly not normal. More importantly, it is not your fault. You are not lacking in intelligence or strength. IPV can happen to anyone, and if you find yourself in this situation, know that things can and will improve.

It took me over a decade to realize this truth and even longer to break free. But I am here, and I assure you that a brighter future is possible. You deserve happiness and health, and I am sending you support from afar.

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