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Emotional abuse can be perplexing and challenging to recognize. Unlike physical abuse, it often lacks overt signs like hitting or yelling; instead, it manifests through behaviors that belittle and demean, leaving the victim feeling worthless and fearful. The love of the abuser appears conditional, leading the victim to doubt their self-worth and live in constant anxiety—both of their abuser and themselves.
Many individuals who endure emotional abuse may remain in denial about their situation for years. This is largely due to the common understanding of abuse being linked to more visible forms of aggression. For instance, when I was a child, my stepmother did not physically harm us. While there were raised voices and the occasional thrown object, the most painful aspect was her consistent stonewalling.
Understanding Stonewalling
Stonewalling, the act of emotionally shutting down during or after a conflict, can vary in severity. While it’s not always abusive, it can cross into harmful territory. According to Verywell Mind, there’s “unintentional stonewalling,” where someone withdraws emotionally to avoid confrontation, which many may experience at some point. However, intentional stonewalling, often described as the “silent treatment,” can be manipulative and controlling.
When used as a means to belittle or disrespect the other person, stonewalling becomes a form of emotional abuse. The impact of being stonewalled can be deeply traumatizing. In my own experience, the silence after outbursts left me feeling abandoned and questioning my actions, despite being a child in a vulnerable position.
Stonewalling in Relationships
While stonewalling is often associated with romantic relationships, it can occur in any relationship, including friendships and workplace dynamics. A close friend of mine, Emma, faced this with her boyfriend during a tumultuous period filled with stressors like job loss. After a significant argument, he refused to communicate for days, leaving her in tears without any closure. Sadly, Emma rationalized his behavior, believing she might have been too aggressive during their disputes. This is a common tendency; people often downplay abusive behaviors in an effort to justify them.
Recognizing the Signs
It’s crucial to distinguish between needing a moment to cool off and deliberately using silence to inflict emotional pain. If you find yourself in a relationship where stonewalling is prevalent, it may be time to seek assistance. Therapy or counseling can help, but if your partner shows no willingness to change, ending the relationship could be the best option for your emotional well-being. You deserve a partner who is loving, engaged, and open to discussing difficult issues.
Further Resources
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Summary
Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse that can have devastating effects on individuals, often leading them to question their self-worth and emotional stability. Recognizing the difference between healthy communication breaks and harmful silence is vital. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, seeking help or reevaluating the relationship may be necessary for emotional health.