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Since my divorce became more widely known, I’ve heard the same comments over and over again. “You’re fortunate. At least you get a break half the time.” “I wish I only had to manage my kids fifty percent of the time.” Or some variation of this sentiment. And honestly? It’s frustrating. Not only is it insensitive, but it also shows a lack of understanding.
My divorce was a necessary step to escape a toxic cycle and create a healthier environment for our children. They deserve better than the constant conflicts their father and I endured. Despite our efforts in therapy, we ultimately realized that we were not compatible as partners. We ended our marriage as amicably as possible, though it certainly wasn’t easy. Co-parenting, too, is a challenge—far from the idyllic scenario some might imagine.
Co-parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tackled in my life. It’s not just about managing schedules; it’s also about navigating emotional turmoil. To complicate matters further, our divorce was finalized just ten days before the world was thrust into the chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic. I transitioned from being a full-time mom to seeing my kids just half the time in the midst of a global crisis.
During that fifty percent when I’m not with my children, I am left worrying about their time with their father, with whom I often have differing views. Parents who share custody must also grapple with anxiety about their kids being exposed to a potentially deadly virus.
And let’s not forget the realities of being a single parent. I am juggling a full-time job while running my three businesses and managing my household. The child-free time I have is not a luxury; it’s filled with responsibilities. In reality, my “time off” is about 99.91% work and only a tiny fraction of glamor.
I’m just as exhausted as any mom who has her children full-time. Frankly, I would prefer to be burnt out from playdates rather than from paying bills. Like many parents in similar situations, I’d give anything to have more time with my kids rather than less. While some might see us as fortunate, it’s possible for two opposing feelings to exist simultaneously.
Even when support is present (which is rare), and our time isn’t consumed by labor (also uncommon), this situation is still not a blessing. Divorce brings grief, messiness, and heartache, especially when children are involved. Seeing our kids on a limited schedule is not a gift; it’s a heartbreak. So the next time you contemplate making such a remark, consider keeping it to yourself.
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- How to co-parent effectively
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Summary:
The article emphasizes the challenges and emotional toll of co-parenting after divorce, especially during difficult times like the COVID-19 pandemic. It addresses the insensitivity of comments suggesting that having children only half the time is a blessing, highlighting the exhaustion and stress that come with shared custody. Ultimately, it advocates for a more compassionate understanding of the struggles faced by divorced parents.