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I once had a friend with exceptionally energetic children. Before you take to social media with your thoughts, let me clarify: I have four kids myself, and at least two of them could easily be described as “full of energy.” The real issue, however, wasn’t the children themselves or their diverse personalities; it was when my friend would come over and allow her kids to run amok. My kids would just watch, wide-eyed, and silently ask me, “Mom, what are you going to do about all this chaos?”
I’ll admit it: I’m a bit of a strict parent. For instance, jumping on the sofa is a no-go in our house. I want my kids to respect our home and understand that the same rules apply when they visit others, whether it’s a store or someone else’s house. They have plenty of opportunities for free play, especially outside, and they know there’s a suitable time and place for unleashing their inner wildness. I’m not trying to stifle their spirits, but in my home, I enforce my rules.
Returning to my friend, we have a spacious, unfinished basement that I call “Kid Paradise.” It often resembles a toy explosion, with costumes, dolls, and sports equipment scattered everywhere. I’m not overly concerned about the mess since it’s just bare concrete. My kids enjoy blasting music, hosting dance parties, or playing dodgeball with their dad down there. I appreciate having this space for rainy days, snow days, and playdates, but when my friend’s children came over, they would bang toys against the windows or chew on foam bullets like gum. I’ve had to remove Barbie accessories from their mouths more times than I’d like to admit. Meanwhile, my friend would be blissfully unaware, sipping from her thermos.
I know what you’re thinking: Just don’t invite her over again! While I do single her out, she’s not the only one who has behaved this way, unfortunately. I understand that all parents need a break sometimes, but her relaxation seemed to come at my expense. I often felt anxious entering someone else’s home, while she seemed to take my house as a free-for-all. My worries escalated: her kids could choke, get hurt, or injure mine. I didn’t want their unruly behavior to teach my children that it’s acceptable to misbehave in someone else’s home. What could I do?
I try not to interfere with another parent’s discipline, but when a child is on the verge of breaking a window or choking on a battery (yes, that really happened), I have to take action. I realized that something needed to change. I could either manage her kids for her or reinforce the guidelines of my household. But how do you enforce rules for other people’s children? Is it acceptable? What’s the protocol?
I decided that each time other kids visited—unless they were regulars familiar with the guidelines—I would hold a brief meeting with all the children. I didn’t seek the parents’ permission; after all, it’s my home, my rules. I would express my excitement about their visit, help them put away their coats, and then share the house rules. Depending on the planned activity, such as playing outside or in the basement, I would outline the expectations and check for understanding.
For instance, if we were heading outside, I’d explain the rules, serving as a reminder for my kids as well. One important rule is that they cannot go past a certain point in the driveway since we live on a busy street. I would pull out toys from the garage to keep them away from yard tools and let them know where the popsicles were stored if they wanted a treat. It was really that simple. I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of this sooner.
I found that explaining the rules in front of the parents helps them reinforce these guidelines with their children. Yes, there have still been times I’ve had to remind a kid of the rules, but usually only when the other parent is busy in the restroom or fetching something from their car.
If we’re playing in the basement, I clarify that the windows, elliptical, and storage room are off-limits. Of course, I also make sure to shut the storage room door. The space is child-friendly as long as they follow a few simple rules. I even show them where the bathroom is. It seems basic, right? Yet, I’ve had to resort to these meetings for guests who think it’s acceptable to treat my home like a playground.
Additionally, I’ve started informing guests in advance about how long they can expect to stay. Some friends would drop by for what felt like an eternity—four hours or more! That’s just too long for me. I have about a two-hour tolerance for visitors. Perhaps it’s my personality or anxiety, but I know my limits. When guests linger too long, my kids get hungry and request snacks. This means I’d also have to prepare food for other people’s kids, turning it into a whole production. Now, I simply text, “Want to come over on Thursday? I’m thinking 3:30-5:30 p.m., then we’ll need to start dinner.” Setting this boundary has been a huge relief.
I’m not referring to my closest friend here. She can come over, raid my pantry, and take care of her kid without a second thought. Her kids already understand the drill: take off your shoes when you step inside and enjoy safe fun. But for others? They require a reminder or an introduction to the rules. This makes playtime enjoyable for everyone.
I can’t predict who will manage their kids’ behavior, which is why I hold a quick meeting with every family that visits. This approach is much easier and ensures playdates run smoothly. I can finally relax and enjoy adult company instead of constantly monitoring the kids for every rule violation. These rules aren’t excessive; safety is my priority.
I also noticed that since implementing these meetings for guests, my children enjoy having friends over much more. When my friend’s kids began to scream and attempt to climb the toy shelf, one of my more spirited kids would get that familiar look in their eyes—the precursor to “I want to do that too” (and if not now, later, when Mom is in the bathroom). Younger kids are impressionable, and I don’t want them picking up any bad habits.
Some may think, “Wow, this mom sounds like a real party pooper.” But I believe it’s entirely reasonable to have expectations for our personal spaces, whether they pertain to our homes or our bodies. We’re not just teaching our kids to respect others’ property; we’re instilling a broader attitude of respect.
My rules aren’t better or worse than anyone else’s. If you’re okay with your child trampling through a flower garden at your place—more power to you. I set my own rules, and I expect everyone—guests and my own kids—to adhere to them. So far, I’m pleased to report that this system is working well. Having friends over has become a far more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
For more insights, you may find this article about setting boundaries during playdates helpful. Also, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Establishing household rules can significantly enhance playdates, especially when kids from other families visit. By clearly communicating expectations to all children, parents can foster a respectful and safe environment. Implementing a brief meeting before playdates allows everyone to understand the guidelines, ensuring that visits are enjoyable for both kids and adults alike.
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Keywords: household rules, playdates, parenting, child behavior, kids’ friends, home guidelines