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As a parent, I often find myself defending my children, who are unfortunately labeled as the ‘bad’ kids. You know the type—those who are the loudest on the playground, swing too high, and throw tantrums when it’s time to leave. They climb up slides, shimmy up tunnels, and hang from high places. They gather sticks to create armies, throw pine cones, and are always building forts that collapse at the slightest breath. They find dead things, whine, and even take more than their fair share of snacks.
Other parents often cast judging glances at me when I have to drag one of my kids, who is crying loudly, to the car. Their eyes say it all: those kids are out of control, and it’s my fault. They think if I just enforced stricter punishments, my kids would behave.
But here’s the truth: My kids are not ‘bad’; they are neurodiverse, each having varying degrees of ADHD. The world isn’t designed for neurodiverse individuals, which can lead to behavior that seems disruptive. This includes loud voices, emotional outbursts, and the need for physical activity—hence their climbing and running. When my oldest was in diving, he even had to demonstrate challenging poses, showcasing his strength and agility, despite being a skinny 11-year-old.
Children with ADHD often show behaviors that don’t align with their age. They might whine, throw tantrums, or interrupt conversations. This behavior doesn’t stem from a lack of discipline; it’s a result of how they are wired. We’ve adopted a free-range parenting style, allowing them to play with sticks and build forts, and yes, this may disrupt the pristine playground you’ve envisioned, but it’s how they learn and grow.
My parenting approach is gentle. When my child has a tantrum, I don’t punish him; instead, I talk to him, hug him, and help him understand his emotions. I don’t yell at them for climbing on playground equipment; I simply remind them that little ones might follow their lead. I believe in teaching them to be considerate rather than instilling guilt for their actions.
Many parents automatically assume that misbehavior is a reflection of poor parenting. My kids’ actions are often misinterpreted as bad behavior, but they are exploring their world in ways that work for them. If you see a child acting out, try to think beyond the typical judgment—what if they just need a little understanding and support?
For those of us parenting neurodiverse kids, a little kindness and consideration can go a long way.
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In summary, while my children may appear to be the ‘bad’ kids, they are simply navigating a world that isn’t designed for them. Let’s choose understanding over judgment, and kindness over criticism.