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As I rummaged through my son’s backpack, I was met with an unpleasant surprise: a brown banana, a casualty of his lunch. This was just one of many healthy options I’d packed that day, only to find it returned, bruised and untouched.
“Man, I get it,” I thought, feeling the weight of exhaustion. “We started the day with hope, but now we’re both feeling down.”
Today was particularly challenging. My son Lucas is two months into his first real year in school, and it’s clear he’s having a tough time. He doesn’t share much about his day, aside from vague mentions of friendships fading and classmates not wanting to engage with him.
His behavior speaks volumes. He’s been more irritable, disrespectful, and withdrawn lately. The last few weeks have seen an increase in slamming doors, eye rolls, and tears, which seem to stem from his frustration with me for not shielding him from the anxiety that comes with navigating the post-pandemic world. It’s tough being a child in today’s environment, and I often wonder if being a parent is even harder. My worries about Lucas’s mental health keep me up at night (hence my conversations with a piece of fruit).
Today, his teacher reached out, mentioning several incidents that indicate Lucas is grappling with social-emotional challenges. While I know it’s impossible to foresee every obstacle our children will face, I certainly didn’t anticipate this. Despite all the discussions about how pandemic isolation has impacted kids, I foolishly thought my son would be unaffected.
Now, I’m heartbroken for him.
These moments test my desire to scoop him up and promise that I’m the only friend he needs. I have to resist the urge to buy toys that might provide only temporary relief and remind myself that we need a plan that goes beyond a simple treat.
This might be our first significant challenge as he grows up, and it’s a tough one. Some might believe these issues will resolve themselves, but I know firsthand that childhood anxiety is very real, and I won’t let him struggle without support. He deserves to enjoy the balance of resilience and carefree joy that defines childhood. So, here’s my approach:
Listen — But Stay Calm
Lucas tends to keep his feelings close, so a casual “How was school today?” doesn’t yield much. I’ve learned that there are moments, like bedtime or during car rides, when he opens up. If I show too much concern or surprise, he shuts down, so I make a point to remain calm and give him my full attention, even if he quickly shifts the topic back to LEGOs or Minecraft.
Avoid the Urge to Rush Back to Normal
I often feel the pressure to help Lucas “catch up” socially, but I have to remind myself that he spent kindergarten learning from an iPad. He doesn’t know what “normal” feels like; he just knows something isn’t right. While it’s painful to see his classmates playing together so easily, my focus must be on helping him feel accepted and loved for who he is. Only then will I consider him “caught up.”
Open Up About Emotions
Talking about emotions isn’t my strong suit, and I know it can be exhausting. But Lucas needs to learn how to identify and manage his feelings, so it’s time for me to model healthy emotional expression. I share simple stories about my own disappointments and how I cope with them. Even if it seems like he isn’t listening, I hope he’s absorbing some of it.
Utilize School Resources
I’m grateful that schools now prioritize emotional well-being alongside academics, offering programs that help kids build resilience and social skills in this new era. It’s reassuring to know that feeling safe and connected is a priority.
Embrace “Scaffold Parenting”
In my quest for answers, I discovered the concept of scaffold parenting. In this framework, parents act as a supportive structure around a child, allowing them to grow while providing guidance. I understand that I can’t shield Lucas from every setback or disappointment. He needs to learn through experience. What I can do is create a nurturing environment that fosters his growth into a resilient and happy individual.
Social connections are crucial at every life stage, and it’s understandable that children, just beginning to learn social skills, would struggle after a year of isolation. For every small step forward, we may take a step back, but that’s part of the parenting journey. This too shall pass, and my response to Lucas’s challenges is a chance for me to demonstrate resilience. In the meantime, I’ll continue my whimsical chats with fruit.
Summary
Navigating a child’s mental health can be daunting, especially post-pandemic. Recognizing the signs of emotional distress, engaging in open conversations, and utilizing school resources are essential steps for parents. As children like Lucas learn to cope with social challenges, fostering a supportive environment will help them develop resilience.