From The Confessional: I’m Envious of My Partner’s Former Spouse

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You may recognize that your partner chose you for a reason, yet feelings of envy over their former spouse can still linger. Jealousy is a common—if troublesome—human emotion. Acknowledging that everyone has a past, including our partners, is easier said than done, especially when those pasts involve significant relationships or children.

If your partner was previously married, it can be particularly challenging to completely ignore that history, especially if they share children. Those feelings can manifest in various ways: perhaps you’re consumed by jealousy, or it merely nudges at you from time to time. You might envy her for moving on from the challenges of their marriage, or because she experienced the life with him that you wish you could embrace.

Whatever the cause of your jealousy, rest assured that you’re not alone.

“I can’t help but feel like he gave her everything, and now I’m left with the scraps. 🙁

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“I’m frustrated that his ex didn’t have to work during their marriage while I have to juggle a job and childcare due to his financial commitments to her and their kids.”

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“My partner still has a joint bank account with his ex. It feels so wrong!”

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“I found their wedding photos tucked away and ended up tearing them up before my stepchild could see them. I just can’t stand her!”

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“While it’s natural to feel strongly about your partner’s ex, maybe throwing out old wedding photos was a bit too much?”

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“I’m tired of working hard only to support his ex-wife’s lifestyle! I honestly don’t see us making it to next year.”

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“My sister-in-law occasionally calls me by his ex’s name, and it drives me insane. We’ve been together for two decades, and she does it on purpose!”

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“He will never love me the way he loved her, even after two years of marriage.”

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“The more time passes, the more I see how his ex still holds power over him, especially during family gatherings.”

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“I threw away an old family picture of him with his ex and their kids during my walk in the park.”

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“About those photos… it might be better to let that go.”

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“I’m not usually a jealous person, but it bothers me that he has his ex’s name tattooed on him. Do I need to be reminded of her every time he takes off his shirt?”

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“I discovered some questionable photos of his ex hidden in our closet. I didn’t react outwardly, but I made sure those photos were no longer in our home.”

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“Those kinds of photos absolutely deserve to be tossed out!”

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“I feel resentment that his ex was a stay-at-home mom while I’m working and putting my kids in daycare due to his financial obligations.”

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“I envy that his ex gave him his first child.”

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“This is my first family while this is his second. It irks me when he tries to give parenting advice based on his past with his ex.”

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“Oof. Don’t these men ever learn?”

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“I’m jealous of his ex because she had the courage to leave him. She’s free from his drama.”

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“What I detest most about being a stepmom is the financial strain. His ex gets a hefty child support payment and doesn’t need to work while we struggle to get by.”

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In summary, it’s entirely normal to grapple with feelings of jealousy when your partner has a past relationship. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward addressing them. Whether it’s about shared finances, children, or lingering sentiments, open communication and understanding can help ease the emotional burden.