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“Sorry, Mia, Daddy’s using the blue crayon right now.”
My two-and-a-half-year-old niece, Mia, pulled her hand back, her face a mix of confusion and disappointment. I looked at my brother in disbelief. He really wasn’t going to let her use the crayon? That’s my adorable little niece! Just hand her the crayon, what are you doing?
At the time, my own little one was still just learning to walk and wasn’t quite ready for coloring. But when that day came, I figured I’d let him choose any crayon he wanted whenever he asked.
“Would you like to ask Daddy if you can have it next?”
A tiny furrow appeared on Mia’s brow. “I have next, Daddy?” she pointed at the blue crayon.
“Of course! I’m almost done.”
A few moments passed, and my brother continued coloring with what I soon realized was a very intentional focus. Mia waited, her big brown eyes wide with anticipation, her little fingers twisting together.
“Okay,” my brother finally said, holding out the crayon. “I’m all done now. You did such a great job waiting your turn. I love sharing with you!”
My brother was using a brilliant technique to teach Mia the concept of sharing without compromising his own needs. Instead of just mandating that she share out of obligation, he was showing her how to do it—modeling the behavior instead of merely instructing.
Traditionally, parents have often forced children to share, assuming it was the polite thing to do. Over time, we’ve come to realize that suppressing one’s desires just to please others isn’t an ideal lesson to teach kids. Sharing is important, but so is asking politely and learning the value of patience. My brother was demonstrating both.
He would often flip the script, pretending to want the exact toy that Mia was playing with to teach her how to handle situations where someone wanted something she wasn’t ready to give up. Mia was a compliant child, often handing over her toys without a fuss, even if she wasn’t ready. My brother wanted her to learn to be assertive.
This sharing lesson was just one of many smart parenting strategies I picked up from my brother, who had his first child a year and a half before I did. He’s insightful and considerate, always striving to meet his children’s physical and emotional needs while avoiding entitlement.
I was reminded of this sharing lesson when a TikTok video appeared on my feed. In the now-deleted video titled “Parenting Tips: Taking Turns,” a father plays with his young daughter, who is dressed in a princess costume.
The video begins mid-scene, clearly filmed as the mother captured an important moment. The little girl wants a sparkling toy crown that her father is placing on his head.
“When I’m all done, you can play with it, okay?”
She whines and nudges him, clearly frustrated.
“I understand you want the crown,” he tells her, “but that doesn’t mean you can push. You need to wait until I’m finished, alright?”
Mom jumps in and asks, “What would you like to play with while you’re waiting?”
Dad suggests a toy vacuum, which is obviously not as appealing as a princess crown.
“I want the crown,” she states firmly.
“I know, but Daddy’s using it right now, so you’ll have to wait a little bit. I promise I’m almost done,” he reassures her.
Eventually, she picks an Elsa doll to play with. Mom reminds her that Dad will let her know when he’s finished.
“I’m gonna play with Elsa!” the little girl says proudly, and both parents commend her for her positive attitude.
After a moment, Dad removes the crown and says, “I’m all done. You can use it now.”
“Thank you!” she replies, and her dad responds, “You’re welcome. Thanks for waiting your turn.”
This little girl learns many lessons from this interaction: patience, what sharing looks like in real life, and that it’s perfectly fine for boys to play with princess crowns. More importantly, these intentional interactions where parents assert their own needs teach children that while parental love is boundless, it’s equally important for caregivers to maintain their own autonomy and feelings. We deserve kindness as well.
Ultimately, we teach our kids these lessons because we love them deeply. It’s not just about preventing entitlement; it’s about preparing them for healthy relationships and encouraging positive interactions with others. They can’t achieve this without the social skills we model through seemingly simple play.
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Summary:
Teaching children to share and be patient is best achieved through modeling behavior rather than forcing compliance. By demonstrating the importance of waiting their turn and asserting their own needs, parents can instill valuable social skills in their children. Positive interactions during play can help kids learn patience and the essence of sharing, setting the stage for healthy relationships in the future.