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In pre-pandemic times, my in-laws hosted a massive Thanksgiving celebration, often with over 25 attendees. My partner genuinely enjoys these festive gatherings, relishing the delicious food, reconnecting with family he hasn’t seen in ages, and the evenings typically wrap up with games, singing, and laughter.
While I appreciate these aspects in theory, each visit leaves me needing to recharge for days afterward. I often feel overwhelmed in such bustling environments, and while most guests are pleasant enough, there’s always someone who says something that irks me—whether it’s comments about my children, my appearance, my job, or political views, leaving me feeling upset for days.
Navigating these festivities with kids—especially picky eaters who can be bored and cranky, and who share my sensitivity to sensory overload—is not enjoyable. Honestly, one of the few positives of the pandemic for me was having a solid reason to skip Thanksgiving in 2020. I even relished missing some other holiday events that year. Call me a grinch or a scrooge, but I struggle to see the merit in these large gatherings.
I’d much rather enjoy a cozy day at home with my immediate family or perhaps a small gathering with a few relatives. There’s something truly special about intimate family gatherings; they feel more genuine, allowing for deeper connections without the stress of catering to a crowd. As someone who works full-time, I want to spend my time off doing things that rejuvenate me, not drain my energy. Large holiday gatherings often leave me feeling utterly depleted.
My partner and I don’t always share the same perspective on this. He longs for the pre-pandemic holiday chaos, excited about celebrating with his large family and their friends. He thrives in those environments, finding them invigorating, while I feel quite the opposite.
If you’re like me and find holiday gatherings exhausting, stressful, or filled with unsatisfactory interactions, know that you are not alone. It’s perfectly valid to feel this way. For years, I believed I was the odd one out for not wanting to partake in these events, but as I approached my 40s, I accepted that this is simply who I am.
Before the pandemic, my partner and I agreed to celebrate some holidays at home. I didn’t want to eliminate family gatherings entirely, but I needed to skip a few for my own sanity. It’s reasonable to strike a balance when you and your partner have differing views on holiday celebrations. No one should feel obligated to endure events they dislike year after year.
It’s also crucial to recognize that if there are individuals at these gatherings who have been toxic or harmful to you, you have no obligation to attend. You can absolutely prioritize your well-being over family expectations.
This doesn’t mean that celebrating the holidays with others lacks value; rather, the way many of us have traditionally approached it may not be working anymore. It’s time to acknowledge this and find a healthier path forward. It’s disheartening when something meant to be joyful turns into a source of exhaustion. Life is too short to persist in doing things that leave you feeling depleted.
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Summary
It’s perfectly acceptable to skip holiday gatherings that drain your energy. Many individuals struggle with large family events, feeling overwhelmed or stressed, especially when surrounded by toxic relationships. Finding a balance that prioritizes your mental health is crucial, and it’s okay to choose smaller, more intimate gatherings that foster genuine connections.