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“I need parenting advice—what could Ben Anderson possibly offer?” said no one ever. Ben Anderson has been a fixture in pop culture for nearly four decades, complete with Hollywood’s fair share of drama and intrigue. He’s had his ups and downs. Yes, his classic film Good Will Hunting remains beloved. Yes, we’re curious about his relationship with Jennifer Lopez, and yes, we want the pictures. Recently, we might have been warming up to him again.
Then came his recent interview with the Wall Street Journal, which revealed that his most profound thoughts on fatherhood could have been plucked from a cheesy, outdated 1950s parenting manual titled Raising Your Strong Boys to Be Men Who Never Cry.
The most troubling moment from the interview emerged during a discussion about his latest film, The Tender Bar, a memoir about a boy seeking father figures in a bar after his relationship with his own dad deteriorates. The Wall Street Journal quoted a line from J.R. Moehringer’s original book: “To be a man, a boy must see a man.” Anderson responded with, “It’s crucial to have two parents for the upbringing of a child. The most important thing to me is to be a good father. Boys need to be taught how to behave, how to conduct themselves, what values to hold. The lessons my father imparted to me are significant—so are the ways he was absent. So, in many scenes, I was speaking to my younger self.”
Big sigh. That perspective feels as outdated as expired canned goods in our pantry.
Let’s be clear: Anderson’s belief that two parents are necessary for raising a child is more antiquated than floppy disks. Single parents, whether by choice or circumstance, can absolutely excel at raising children, and we could list countless successful individuals raised by a single parent if we had the space. Just know that the list includes names like Adele and Jay-Z.
Next issue: boys don’t require a father figure to learn how to be good individuals—just as girls don’t need a mother for that lesson. Did you catch that collective groan? That was the sound of countless queer parents sighing in frustration, tired of reiterating this point, backed by research and studies.
To refresh your memory: children raised by LGBTQ+ parents are just as healthy as their peers—often excelling academically and developing greater empathy. Shocking, right?
Do boys benefit from male role models? The data is less definitive. While having an engaged father can be beneficial, the parent’s gender or the child’s gender appears irrelevant. Kids thrive with uncles, family friends, and other role models, regardless of their relationship. Ironically, the film in which Anderson plays a father figure is fundamentally about how father figures can come from unexpected places. That’s the film’s core message.
In short: we don’t need Anderson’s archaic views on parenting, which have been debunked by years of research. But we’d still love to hear about his engagement to J-Lo.
Yet, there’s a glimmer of hope. Later in the interview, Anderson reflects on the mistakes he’s made and his journey toward personal growth. “There’s a lot I wish my younger self had known,” he admits. “I regret my past mistakes, rooted in a desire to avoid pain—both mine and others’. I wish I had understood life’s challenges better and not had to learn everything the hard way.”
We appreciate that honesty. We hope he considers the perspectives of amazing single and queer parents and updates his parenting views, which feel as outmoded as low-rise jeans. In exchange, we’ll dig out our copy of The Town, a truly underrated film that deserves more recognition.
This article was originally published on Dec. 2, 2021.