9 Strategies for Easing the Challenge of Raising Teenagers, From a Mom of Three

When I welcomed three children into my life within three years, I didn’t give much thought to their teenage years. I knew they were coming but felt I had plenty of time to prepare for that phase. However, I quickly realized that nothing could truly prepare me for the reality of having not just one, but three teenagers simultaneously.

Even though I was a teenager myself once, it didn’t make me an authority on raising them. While reflecting on my own experiences can be useful, it’s essential to remember that every child is unique, with different needs and emotions. They won’t navigate their teenage years in the same way I did, and it took me years to grasp that.

Now that my children are 18, 16, and 15, each day is unpredictable. Nevertheless, I’ve gathered some insights over the years that have made navigating these tumultuous times a little smoother for both me and them.

1. Allow Them Space

Teens naturally seek their own space. It may feel like they’ve gone from wanting to spend time with you to needing to distance themselves. All of my kids have experienced this, and the more I pushed, the more they retreated. By giving them room to breathe, they eventually began to engage in family activities again. I’d plan outings without them, and if they wanted to join, they knew they had to come along.

2. Avoid Commenting on Their Attire

My kids often prefer to go out in pajamas and mismatched socks. They enjoy their piercings and don’t mind if their clothes are dirty. I want them to feel comfortable in their skin. Instead of fighting about their outfits, I shifted my focus to their behavior and how they treat others, which truly matters.

3. Let Go of Others’ Opinions

People will always have something to say about your parenting and your kids. Don’t let it bother you. Ultimately, you must prioritize what’s best for your family. My son faced criticism for choosing not to pursue college, while my daughter received comments about her colorful hair. Every child is unique, and they don’t need to fit into anyone’s mold.

4. Respect Their Independence

It’s common for parents to want their children to follow specific paths, like excelling in sports or pursuing certain careers. My kids have their own identities and interests, which differ from mine and my husband’s. Once we stopped pushing our oldest to play sports, he thrived in his own way, prioritizing fitness and financial responsibility.

5. Validate Their Feelings

If your teen expresses that they’re hurt or upset, take them seriously. Arguing or dismissing their emotions only leads to a breakdown in communication. Everyone, including teens, wants to feel heard. Acknowledging their feelings fosters an open line of dialogue.

6. Listen to Their Emotions

High school can be a rollercoaster of emotions. If your teen is upset about something seemingly trivial, like a crush or an outfit comment, don’t brush it off. Their social lives are crucial to them, and those feelings should be validated, no matter how minor they seem to you.

7. Understand Their Priorities

Your teen’s social life will often take precedence over family time, and that’s normal. Initially, I took it personally when my oldest preferred to hang out with friends. Now, I realize it’s all part of them finding their place in the world.

8. Recall Your Own Teen Years

When challenges arise, think back to your own teenage experiences. While accountability is essential, remembering the difficulties of that age can help you empathize with your children.

9. Prepare for Loneliness

As your kids grow more independent, it’s natural to feel a sense of loneliness. They may not show the same enthusiasm for family activities, and that can leave you questioning your role. Use this time to invest in yourself and pursue hobbies you love. It’s crucial to remember that raising teens is demanding, so give yourself grace along the way.

In conclusion, raising teenagers can be challenging, but understanding their needs and emotions while respecting their independence can create a healthier family dynamic. Embrace this journey, and remember that it’s okay to learn as you go.

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Summary:

Raising teenagers can be daunting, but by allowing them space, respecting their choices, and validating their feelings, parents can ease the journey. Understanding their independence and prioritizing self-care is essential for both parents and teens.