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By: Jamie L. Carter
Updated: Dec. 3, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 3, 2021
I believe the word “f*ck” is a linguistic champion. Its versatility is astonishing; it can shift from a noun (“I don’t give a f*ck”) to a verb (“Go f*ck yourself”), and even an adverb (“This is f*ckin’ amazing”). While some folks see swearing as vulgar, I prefer to think of it as a stress reliever, a pain duller, and a bonding tool among friends. Research backs this up.
But what about cursing in front of our children? Does it reveal our authenticity, self-control, and verbal skills? Or does it show we lack restraint and decorum, unable to tame our tongues?
I have had my share of colorful language around my kids—something no one wants to confess, even to themselves. Admitting I let loose in front of my impressionable children feels like a blow to my parenting pride.
Years later, while in the kitchen, my older sons caught me in a slip-up. My eldest asked about “the f-word,” and I attempted to respond in a responsible manner: “It’s a vile word used by vile people.” Just as I spoke, I shattered a jar of salsa, sending a splash of sauce and glass across the counter, followed by a rapid-fire series of “f*ck-f*ck-f*ck!” When I regained my composure, I noticed my youngest, barely holding back a smile. “Don’t tell Grandma!” I warned, but he was already on the phone, ready to spill the beans. At 42, I was bracing for a lecture from my mom.
I felt overwhelming guilt. Swearing made me one of those “vile people,” a hypocrite, and an inadequate mother. But maybe I was judging myself too harshly. Perhaps all that unrestrained swearing wasn’t something to beat myself up over.
Benjamin Bergin, a cognitive scientist at the University of California San Diego and author of What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves, suggests I was being too hard on myself. He argues that exposure to swearing helps children understand societal nuances. It makes sense—who wouldn’t benefit from learning how to interpret social cues?
Timothy Jay, a psychology professor emeritus, challenges the stereotype that people who swear lack vocabulary. His research indicates that those skilled in swearing often have a broader vocabulary and higher intelligence. “People who excel at language are also adept at swearing,” he notes.
Dr. Emma Byrne, a research scientist and author of Swearing is Good For You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language, believes exposing children to such language is crucial for their development. She argues that we should reconsider our aversion to swearing around kids.
In my view, swearing can enhance children’s language fluency and demonstrate the creativity inherent in language. So, the next time you accidentally smash a jar of salsa, there’s no need to hold back. Let those expletives fly! And when your child inquires about your chosen curse word, just tell them it’s a clever expression used by clever individuals.
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In summary, swearing in front of children may not be as detrimental as once thought. It can enhance their understanding of language and social dynamics, while also fostering a deeper connection between parents and kids. By embracing this aspect of communication, we might just be nurturing their linguistic growth.