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In the past year, I’ve encountered several individuals who have experienced an abortion, whether it be medical or surgical. If you’re reading this, it’s likely you’ve either been through it yourself or know someone who has. According to the Guttmacher Institute, 1 in 4 women will undergo an abortion by the time they reach menopause, making it a common experience.
If you have been chosen as a confidant by someone in this situation, please avoid the mistake I made at 17 by offering meaningless platitudes or, even worse, judgmental comments. Our society’s polarized views on abortion can make it challenging to know how to respond, but we can make a difference through our interactions. Here are seven compassionate ways to support a friend after their abortion:
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Be There
In these times, being physically present can be difficult, but if you live nearby or can safely meet, your presence can be invaluable. Whether you’re driving them to appointments or just hanging out, your support makes a difference. Sometimes, sending a stream of funny cat memes or clips from Schitt’s Creek can provide a much-needed distraction. -
Listen Without Judgment
You don’t need to have all the right words to say—sometimes, just listening is the best support. Allow your friend to express their thoughts and emotions, whether their decision was straightforward or complex. Provide a safe space for them to process their feelings, all of which are valid, even if they conflict. -
Offer Advice Only When Asked
Avoid saying things like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Did you think about all your options?” Instead, focus on supportive phrases like “I’m here for you” or “What do you need?” Your friend might be overwhelmed with judgment from others, so it’s crucial to be a source of comfort. -
Assist with Research
Navigating the medical landscape can be overwhelming. Offer to help by looking into the legalities around abortion in your friend’s state or finding clinics that provide the necessary services. Be aware that some places may not offer the support they claim, so refer to trusted resources like The National Abortion Federation or Planned Parenthood. -
Provide Practical Help
If your friend is open to it, offer practical support such as financial assistance for medical bills or help with daily tasks like childcare, grocery shopping, or household chores. Every bit can lighten their load during this time. -
Respect Their Privacy
Keep your friend’s experience confidential. No matter how much you offer to help, remember that you’re not entitled to their thoughts or feelings. Give them the space they need to process their experience. -
Ask What They Need
It might seem obvious, but simply asking your friend how you can help can be incredibly effective. If they’re unsure, provide specific options instead of leaving the question open-ended. Many people may default to saying “I’m fine,” so offering concrete suggestions can be more effective.
Ultimately, everyone copes differently, so tailor your support to what your friend needs most.
For more insights on similar topics, check out our related post on intracervical insemination. If you’re looking for authority on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. Additionally, the CDC provides excellent resources on pregnancy and related health matters.
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Summary:
Supporting a friend who has had an abortion requires compassion, understanding, and respect for their privacy. Be present, listen without judgment, offer practical help, and ask how you can assist. Tailor your support to their needs, and always prioritize creating a safe space for them to express their feelings.