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So, it happened. You witnessed your child watching adult content. What should you do next?
First and foremost, resist the urge to blame yourself or feel anger about providing them with a device at a young age, failing to install the right blockers, or leaving them unattended with a phone or tablet. This is a common occurrence. In today’s digital age, it’s almost expected. When I was growing up in the ’80s, we had to sneak a peek at our parents’ magazines and films, and getting caught was a lot more challenging.
Curiosity is entirely natural, and trust me, even if you restrict electronics, your kids will discover ways to access them. Their friends have devices, and let’s be honest, it’s impossible to be with them every moment of the day.
As a mother of three teenagers, I’ve learned that handling this situation with poise is crucial because it deserves a thoughtful approach. I consulted with Dr. Ava Collins, President of Family Insights, a research-based, sex-positive organization aimed at helping parents guide their children in navigating the complexities of adult content. They offer programs tailored for parents of tweens and teens on how to discuss these sensitive topics.
Dr. Collins provided some valuable insights for parents, whether you’ve caught your child in the act or not, along with strategies to empower you during this challenging moment.
Key Insights from Dr. Collins
First, it’s essential to avoid shaming your child. “Research indicates that most kids stumble upon adult content accidentally rather than actively seeking it out,” Dr. Collins notes. Use age-appropriate language to explore what your child was viewing. “If your child isn’t ready to discuss what they saw, don’t force it,” she advises, adding that you should plan a follow-up conversation in a few days. This allows your child some space to process their feelings and reduces the chance of shame.
Always use correct anatomical terms like “penis” and “vagina,” and inquire about their feelings regarding what they witnessed. Dr. Collins emphasizes, “It’s also vital to clarify that what they observed isn’t representative of how most adults engage in intimacy. If suitable, discuss how healthy relationships involve consent, connection, empathy, and mutual enjoyment—elements often missing from adult content.”
Make it known to your children that they can always approach you about anything, including adult content. It doesn’t have to be an extensive discussion; short, ongoing conversations are more effective. “Instead of one lengthy talk, aim for multiple brief discussions,” Dr. Collins suggests.
Avoid lecturing; instead, pose gentle questions and view this as the start of an ongoing dialogue. Your goal is to create a comfortable environment where your children feel safe to come to you. As Dr. Collins reminds us, “If we don’t have these discussions, the industry will.”
Additional Resources
For additional insights on fertility and home insemination, check out this resource from ACOG. And if you are interested in learning more about the process, visit here and here for expert guidance.
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In summary, it’s important to approach the situation calmly and openly, ensuring your child feels comfortable discussing sensitive topics like adult content with you. By fostering ongoing conversations and avoiding shame, you can help guide them through their natural curiosity.