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Navigating the end of a friendship can be challenging. I found myself in a position where I had to part ways with a friend not long ago. Despite my countless attempts to decline her invitations with excuses like “I need to wash my hair,” she persisted. Eventually, I decided to send her the truth through a text message.
I still have that message saved, although I’m not quite sure why. It reads: “I no longer feel the same about our friendship since you treated your daughter that way, and it keeps bothering me. When we hang out, I feel uncomfortable and anxious. My mental health is my priority, so it’s best for me if we stop spending time together. Sorry.”
Years later, I still cringe at my attempt at honesty. It seems I didn’t handle the situation as gracefully as I could have, which is why I now realize I made several mistakes.
Here’s how experts suggest managing the end of a friendship:
Meet Face-to-Face
According to Rachel Sussman, a New York City psychotherapist and author of “The Breakup Bible,” having a face-to-face conversation is the most mature approach. Conversely, Guy Winch, a psychologist and author of “How to Fix a Broken Heart,” suggests that a text might suffice for newer friendships. Unfortunately, I failed here since our bond had lasted nearly a decade, and I should have chosen a more considerate method.
Acknowledge Their Importance
Ahona Guha, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes that it’s important to express that the friendship meant something to you before ending it. Regrettably, I didn’t convey that sentiment. My friend had been a vital source of support during my mental health struggles, yet I overlooked thanking her for her loyalty.
Share Your Reasons, But Avoid Blame
Dr. Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist and author of “The Friendship Fix,” advises focusing on your own feelings and needs rather than pointing out the other person’s flaws. When I think back to my breakup message, I realize I did the exact opposite. I framed it around her shortcomings instead of my own feelings of anxiety, which ultimately made the situation harsher.
I thought I was being considerate by texting instead of ghosting her, but a bit of research could have guided me towards a kinder breakup. If given the chance, I would certainly handle things differently, but I also hope to never find myself in that situation again.
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