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The more open conversations we have, the easier it becomes for everyone involved.
The first time I had a conversation about sex with my eldest child, he was in kindergarten. I realized I was a bit behind the curve—someone had already filled him in on “how to make sex,” but let’s just say he had some of the details wrong. I wanted him to get the right information from me, so I took the opportunity to clarify things. I could either address it then or wait and hope he would figure it out on his own.
Our discussion was brief, and surprisingly, he didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. This experience made me realize that I would need to have ongoing discussions about sex with him and his siblings as they grew older, especially since I had so many questions myself during my teenage years.
Now that they’ve started dating, I remind them about the importance of practicing safe sex. Thanks to a local radio station that openly discusses sexual topics, they are aware of my views on casual and consensual sex. We listen to this station every morning, which gives me the perfect chance to share my thoughts and advice.
Here are a few reasons why the sex talk is an ongoing dialogue in our household:
I Want Them to See Sex as Natural.
It’s a normal part of life, and avoiding the topic only creates stigma. By discussing it openly, I encourage them to come to me with any questions or concerns they might have.
I Want Them to Feel Comfortable Talking to Me.
I never want them to feel like they can’t discuss anything with me. While they might prefer confiding in friends, I have more knowledge and experience. Even if I’m not their first choice for these discussions, I want them to know they can always approach me without fear of judgment.
I Aim to Be Their Safe Space.
Even if they go through long periods without discussing sex, situations may arise with partners that leave them confused or embarrassed. I want to be the person they can turn to for support, free from judgment.
The Landscape is Ever-Changing.
Things have evolved significantly since I was a teenager in the ‘80s and ‘90s. The complexities of modern relationships and sexual situations can be overwhelming. Having someone trustworthy to talk to can make a world of difference.
Frequent Discussions Make it Easier for Everyone.
Just like building a muscle, the more often you talk about sex, the easier it becomes. As the CDC states, “having a series of discussions that begin early, happen often, and continue over time can make more of a difference than a single conversation.” The evidence supports that regular conversations about sex provide numerous benefits.
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Summary:
Having ongoing conversations about sex with my teens is essential for their understanding and comfort. By fostering an open dialogue, I aim to normalize the topic, provide a safe space for questions, and ensure they feel supported in navigating their experiences. Regular discussions not only strengthen our relationship but also equip them with crucial knowledge.