Reflections on Being a Subpar Friend

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Making friends has always been a challenge for me. Whether in school or as an adult, I expected that forming connections would become easier with age, but that was not the case. I often wondered why I struggled to connect with others. Why did my friendships tend to fizzle out? Was this just part of growing up? I experienced all the frustrating feelings, but never once did I consider that I might be a not-so-great friend.

After a series of disappointments, I began to reflect on my past relationships. What was the reason I seemed to struggle where others thrived? The answer became painfully obvious: I was, in fact, a pretty lousy friend.

Being a Bad Friend Was Never My Intention

When I met Sarah in college, we quickly bonded over shared experiences at work and our messy love lives. We spent a lot of time together until I started prioritizing my boyfriend over our friendship. Looking back, I realize I let her down time and time again.

Then there was Lisa, my best friend for nearly ten years. She was there for my wedding and baby showers, and we even called each other’s moms “Mom.” Everything seemed perfect until she confided in me about her long-term boyfriend, who I had always disliked, being abusive. I reacted poorly, consumed by anger and a desire for revenge, rather than being the supportive listener she needed. Unfortunately, we lost touch, and she has yet to meet my children, who are now nine.

While my protective instincts were natural, I failed to ask her what she truly needed from me. I assumed I knew better, which is a classic sign of a lousy friend.

A Smaller, Stronger Circle

Today, my friendships look quite different. It wasn’t the nature of friendship that changed; it was me. The cliché “it’s not you, it’s me” turned out to be true. I learned that true friendship isn’t about picking and choosing when to show up; it’s about being there through life’s ups and downs.

My three closest friends have supported me through thick and thin, sharing in both joyous and tragic moments. We’ve learned that genuine friendship is neither convenient nor one-sided. By prioritizing empathy, support, and active listening, I’m less likely to be a lousy friend and more likely to cherish the people who matter most.

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In summary, navigating friendships can be challenging, but self-reflection and a genuine commitment to being present can foster deeper connections. Embracing empathy and support can transform your relationships and help you become the friend you aspire to be.