When My Partner and I Separated, Here Are 4 Key Steps We Took for Our Children

Going through a divorce and attempting to co-parent is no easy feat; it demands ongoing effort and commitment. From my own experiences, here are four strategies that have proven effective for me and my former partner in raising our kids.

1. We maintain open communication…even when we disagree…

For example, my ex-partner believed I was allowing our children too much screen time when we first parted ways, and looking back, he had a point. As I adjusted to single life and focused on re-establishing my career to keep our family home, I inadvertently let things slide. However, if one of our kids faces a consequence at my place, I make sure to inform him so that he can enforce it at his home as well, and vice versa. This way, our kids can’t simply play one parent against the other. While we don’t always see eye to eye, we strive to provide a stable environment for our children across both households, which has made a significant difference.

2. We committed to never speaking ill of each other in front of the kids.

He will always be their father, and I will always be their mother. I understand that we have a unique situation; we still hold respect for each other and neither of us has done anything unforgivable. Not everyone experiences a smooth divorce, and it can be challenging to maintain composure. Ultimately, if one parent is not listening to the children’s needs or feelings, the kids will figure it out themselves, which can create a rift. Speaking negatively about an ex can harm the children, and I’ve seen the repercussions of this in my own parents’ divorce. It’s essential to support them emotionally without disparaging their other parent, regardless of personal feelings.

3. We set aside our egos.

The first time I spotted my kids in the car with my ex and his new girlfriend, it was tough to swallow. Seeing his new profile picture with her and hearing about their vacations felt like I was being replaced. I shared my feelings with friends and even expressed to him how difficult it was to cope without feeling resentful. He listened and showed understanding, which helped our communication. If I had reacted negatively, I doubt I would have received such a considerate response.

4. We were mindful of who we vented to.

Divorce brings up a lot of emotions, and while it’s natural to want to share those feelings, we kept our discussions off social media and away from our kids. I refrained from confiding in his family members about my frustrations, and he did the same. It was hard at times, but I knew it could create unnecessary tension and put others in awkward situations. Venting can be healthy, but it’s crucial to choose supportive friends who can offer a listening ear.

Co-parenting will have its ups and downs. It’s a delicate balance that can be challenging for everyone involved. Just remember to do your best each day and extend yourself some grace.

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Summary:

This article shares four effective strategies for co-parenting following a separation: maintaining communication and consistency, avoiding negative talk about each other in front of the children, setting aside personal egos, and being selective about where you vent feelings. These approaches can help create a supportive environment for children navigating life between two homes.