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A piercing newborn wail pulled me from my slumber. As I turned to reach for the bassinet, I found myself wedged between my son on one side and my daughter on the other. Their warm hugs and sleepy limbs had always been a source of comfort, but by the time my third child arrived last July, I quickly realized our sleep routine needed a complete transformation. With three kids, it felt like I had a whole football team to manage; the ongoing pandemic added to the chaos, and taking care of an infant in my mid-30s drained my energy far more than it had in my 20s.
For years, my older children had gotten used to drifting off in their own beds, under two key conditions: I would lay with them until they fell asleep, and they were free to join us at night if they woke up. Some nights, it was the only chance my partner had for one-on-one time with them after a long workday. Other nights, I found myself venting to friends as the clock ticked away, feeling overwhelmed.
Discussions about sleep methods can feel deeply personal, and parents often tread lightly to avoid passing judgment on each other’s choices. I hadn’t set out with any strict philosophy; co-sleeping and sharing rooms simply made sense at the time. I recall the arduous nap times with my first two kids—simultaneously bonding and frustrating as I attempted to quiet my toddler while soothing the baby for another marathon nursing session. However, as my kids grew and no longer napped, our sleep habits solidified into a manageable routine. I was unprepared for how adding another baby would feel like pulling the wrong block from a Jenga tower.
Introducing a fifth family member brought two major challenges: our king-sized bed was now too cramped for anyone to sneak in for extra sleep, and the uncertainties of the pandemic meant that I would likely be home alone with all three kids frequently. I needed to be present for my older children—especially since they had already lost so much during these trying times. As I sat upstairs nursing and rocking the baby to sleep, I could feel my anxiety rise as I heard the bickering and noise from downstairs. I longed to play outside with them, engage in activities that would leave us breathless from laughter. They craved that connection, a mom who could say “yes” again.
Nighttime became even more stressful. After finally putting the baby to sleep, I often had just enough time for one bedtime story before her cries echoed down the hall, signaling she needed assistance again. The cycle continued, with each waking resulting in hours of nursing, rocking, and soothing. Meanwhile, my older kids were still trying to sneak in, upset about losing their time in the big bed. No one was getting the sleep they required, and the situation was becoming unmanageable. With our pediatrician confirming that the baby was old enough to go longer between feeds, I knew I had to explore new options.
That’s when I discovered sleep consultants. Initially, I had dismissed the idea of sleep training entirely. However, I didn’t realize that consultants could provide tailored plans and personalized coaching. While scrolling through Instagram during a nursing session, I came across an uplifting account run by a woman named Sarah. “Wait, do babies have different sleep cycles than us?” I pondered while browsing her posts. Why hadn’t our pediatrician mentioned this? In the past, our checkups typically revolved around basic questions about the baby’s sleep and feeding patterns. I often found myself lying about the sleep arrangements, too exhausted to admit that my baby would only sleep if cradled on my chest, which was the only way I could catch any sleep myself.
After some coaching, I was ready to try putting my baby down awake for the first time. Through trial and error, I eventually achieved something I never thought possible: my baby fell asleep on her own after a few minutes of gentle fussing. I realized that the term “sleep training” didn’t resonate with me; I preferred what Sarah called “sleep coaching,” which I have come to view as sleep learning—a respectful, collaborative process between caregiver and child. Through this experience, I learned that I could navigate this without fear or allowing anxiety to dominate our household. I didn’t have to neglect my older kids or my own interests to prioritize the baby’s sleep needs. Most importantly, I discovered that establishing a structured sleep schedule provided my children with something I feared the pandemic had taken away: a sense of routine, predictability, and increased patience.
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Summary
After the birth of her third child, Emily Johnson found herself overwhelmed by the challenges of sleep management in her growing family. Realizing her previous sleep routines were no longer sustainable, she turned to sleep consultants and discovered a more collaborative approach to sleep training. This shift not only helped her baby learn to sleep independently but also allowed her to reconnect with her older children, fostering a more harmonious family dynamic during stressful times.