Yes, Amicable Divorce Is Achievable! A Divorce Lawyer Shares Practical Guidance

Navigating an Amicable Divorce — Even When It Feels Impossible

Absolutely, it can be done.

By Jamie Turner
Updated: May 16, 2022
Originally Published: Feb. 27, 2022

We’ve all witnessed tumultuous divorces, whether through family, friends, or sensational news stories. Take, for instance, the highly publicized split between Emma Thompson and her ex-husband, Mark Wright, which has unfolded over the past couple of years, revealing increasingly contentious details. It’s undeniable that divorce can be one of life’s most difficult and heart-wrenching transitions. Amid the emotional turmoil and asset division, is an amicable divorce even a possibility?

While it may seem far-fetched as you and your partner work to separate your lives, dealing with children, shared property, personal belongings, and the social circles you’ve built together, considering the alternative—a bitter divorce filled with conflict, exorbitant legal fees, and potential emotional scars for your children—makes the effort worthwhile.

An amicable divorce hinges on several key elements: tranquility, preparation, collaboration, and patience. This means both partners commit to keeping the overarching goals in mind—eschewing blame and hostility in favor of civility and empathy throughout the divorce process. Prior to heading to court, it’s crucial for both parties to collaboratively decide how to approach each step of the separation and keep things on track. This requires genuine cooperation from both sides.

So, is it feasible to achieve an amicable divorce?

“The common image of divorce is one rooted in anger and distrust, but amicable divorces are not only possible; they occur frequently,” states Leah Ainsworth, a family law attorney. “With options like mediation to tackle complex issues, couples willing to remain amicable can often find resolutions independently or with the guidance of a knowledgeable family lawyer. Armed with the right resources and mindset, divorce doesn’t have to conform to the negative stereotype.”

How to Pursue an Amicable Divorce

Couples who successfully navigate an amicable divorce—what I like to call a compassionate divorce—often have a foundation of trust and a solid understanding of the legal context surrounding their situation. For instance, if only one partner is aware of the family finances, they must trust that any financial documents and explanations provided by the other are accurate. It’s essential to remember that divorce is not a one-size-fits-all process.

Ainsworth emphasizes the importance of addressing all aspects of the divorce, especially those related to children, such as physical custody arrangements and decision-making authority regarding their well-being (known as legal custody). “Prioritizing your children’s needs over personal grievances speaks volumes in a compassionate divorce context,” she advises. In many amicable separations, both parties have generally agreed on the settlement terms beforehand.

Another crucial point? Maintain realistic expectations. “I always approach each divorce with cautious optimism,” Ainsworth notes. “However, your partner is unlikely to change their fundamental nature post-separation.” For example, if they were inflexible on certain issues before, they probably will remain so. “Moreover, the people we marry are often quite different from the individuals we divorce,” she adds. “Recognizing your boundaries, understanding who you’re dealing with, and being realistic about co-parenting logistics are vital traits for those seeking an amicable divorce.”

The choice of attorney can significantly influence your expectations and overall experience. It’s important to choose legal representation wisely.

Additional Tips for a Smooth Divorce

Above all, exercise patience throughout the process and beyond.

“Divorce involves asset division, establishing financial support, and creating a custody schedule that accommodates both parents and the children—it’s a marathon, not a sprint,” advises Ainsworth. “Even when certain issues seem easily resolvable, the other party may disagree. Identify your priorities and focus on them. Surround yourself with a support network. Collaborating with a financial advisor can also be beneficial. Ultimately, while an amicable divorce suggests both parties aim for the greater good, it doesn’t guarantee success. Be aware of your options, as your decisions can have lasting implications.”

More Tips for an Amicable Divorce

When communicating with your spouse, avoid placing blame.
Take a moment before responding to frustrating messages.
Refrain from speaking negatively about your spouse on social media or in front of your children.
Practice active listening.
Set personal and financial goals for yourself post-divorce.
Steer clear of agreements designed to punish your spouse.
Try to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt; assuming positive intentions can reduce conflict.
Establish boundaries in this new phase—what was once acceptable may now create tension.

Benefits of an Amicable Divorce

If the notion of an amicable divorce feels overwhelming, Ainsworth insists the advantages are “too numerous to count.” These benefits include:

Harmonious co-parenting.
Reduced time and expenses.
Lower stress levels.
Serving as positive role models for children.
Laying the groundwork for a successful dual-household family.

“It’s entirely possible to be fantastic co-parents while not being great partners in marriage,” Ainsworth observes. “Having witnessed both contentious and amicable divorces, the benefits of an amicable separation are often surprising, revealing how much relief comes from being allies rather than adversaries.”

For more insights, check out some of our other posts, including this one.

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Summary

An amicable divorce is achievable with the right mindset, preparation, and cooperation between both parties. While it may feel daunting, focusing on the needs of children, maintaining realistic expectations, and seeking the right legal support can lead to a smoother process. The benefits of a compassionate divorce—such as reduced stress, better co-parenting, and setting positive examples for children—far outweigh the challenges.