My New Mom Mantra: Life Happens, and Here’s Why

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I genuinely aimed to be a laid-back mom. Honestly, I did.

I liken my parenting anxieties to how one might think about their shoe collection: I have a mental wardrobe filled with worries, and each day I choose which ones to wear. One day I’m fretting over whether I’m executing baby-led weaning correctly, and the next, I’m anxious about how many layers my baby should have on—too many or too few? Currently, my biggest worry—my mental Manolo Blahnik—is, unsurprisingly, Covid.

Every cough, fever, or runny nose triggers a wave of panic. Since kids often have one if not all of these symptoms frequently, I find myself in a constant state of alert, much like many other moms with little ones under five. Perhaps it’s a result of being pregnant during the peak of the pandemic in NYC and spending 17 months raising a baby while being conditioned to mask up, sanitize, and maintain social distance. As much as I wish I could just click my heels and be done with it, letting go is proving to be quite the challenge.

Simultaneously, I recognize the necessity for babies to be exposed to various illnesses to develop a robust immune system. There are emerging reports suggesting that children may be more susceptible to ailments later on due to increased isolation during the pandemic. I find myself grappling with the tension between these two realities. It’s not merely about balancing exposure to beneficial germs versus harmful ones; I want to keep my child safe while also nurturing her to be a confident and adventurous individual.

So, what’s my approach?

For starters, I’ve been embracing the great outdoors. Rain or shine, I aim to get my little one outside to engage with other kids in a safer environment. It feels reminiscent of the Babysitter’s Club or the Famous Five.

Last week, I confidently headed to the park, feeling fully prepared with a diaper bag, multiple packs of wipes, and spare outfits in case of a blowout. Once at the playground, I let her out of the stroller to explore while I attempted to embody the image of a chill mom, allowing her to play freely without hovering.

As she wandered off in her oversized red puffer suit, I settled down with a cup of tea on the other side of the playground. But instead of heading for the slide or swings, she made a beeline for a huge stick. She’s in a stick-collecting phase, and every stick is a treasure in her eyes.

But then, I felt a sudden sense of dread.

At that moment, she turned around, her wide gummy grin revealing her newfound prize, and I spotted the massive lump of dog waste smeared across it. I gasped and dashed across the playground toward the offending stick, but alas, it was too late. Dog doo-doo had already sullied her tiny hands.

I crouched down, desperately trying to retrieve the stick from her other hand while avoiding any mess on our faces and scanning for a place to dispose of the disgusting branch. Naturally, my little one was furious that I was trying to take her “toy.” I spiraled into panic about potential e-coli or ringworm, remembering that the diaper bag was left in the stroller parked far away. Cue me, hobbling across the playground to create a makeshift sanitizing station and get us both home with minimal mess and tantrums. So much for the benefits of fresh air and germs.

Later, after my little one had been bathed in an ample amount of bubble bath and was fast asleep (or as fast asleep as a 17-month-old can be), I poured myself a glass of wine and realized the dog poop incident was a perfect metaphor for parenting these days. We worry about the mess we know about, but we’re even more anxious about what we can’t see.

This experience is worlds away from how many of us were raised. The latchkey generation seemed to have little to no anxiety about germs—if anything, they embraced it. I recall being around five years old, bathing with a friend who had chickenpox (ah, the early ’90s!). Generally, illnesses and fevers weren’t sources of stress.

Parenting expectations have shifted significantly. Millennial moms grew up during the “lean in” era, conditioned to juggle the myriad roles of being their child’s teacher, entertainer, therapist, nurturer, organic chef, and often holding down a job—all while facing judgment in both areas. This intensive parenting model feels more zealous than that of the Boomer generation.

Adding to the pressure, we’re parenting amidst a global pandemic in the age of social media. Every time we scroll, there are serene, ring-lit mothers in stylish athleisure, seemingly free from any mess, sharing tips on baby-led weaning, walking, or crafting with household items. (I often find myself consuming this content in the dead of night, when I should really be sleeping.)

Juggling all of this is exhausting! I don’t want my daughter to absorb any of my pandemic-related anxieties. I yearn for her to enjoy a carefree childhood, but I also desperately want to shield her from Covid if at all possible. This resonates with many moms out there who find themselves parenting without a clear roadmap for when their little ones will be eligible for vaccination.

So, as we continue to navigate this journey, just remember that even when you’re doing your best, life—both in its human and canine forms—can throw you curveballs. But no matter how tough today has been, you can always wash off the mess and pour a glass of wine to help clear the air, putting your worries back in the mental closet for the night.

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In summary, parenting in today’s world can be overwhelming, filled with anxieties both familiar and new. While the journey is fraught with challenges, embracing the chaos can lead to moments of clarity and connection.