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As a parent, I choose my battles carefully. While I respect the diverse approaches of other families, I firmly stand by one principle: I believe in the vital role of writing thank you notes. If someone shows kindness or gives a gift, my children will express their gratitude through a handwritten note. This practice is essential for cultivating politeness and generosity in their character.
I can almost feel the skepticism of some readers regarding the relevance of thank you notes today. Over the past few decades, the tradition of sending a thoughtful, handwritten note has diminished, and I believe this loss affects us all.
Growing up as an only child in the 80s and 90s, I was the sole grandchild for a long time, showered with affection and gifts from my family. My parents, determined to counter the “spoiled only child” stereotype, insisted on the importance of thank you notes. After birthday and holiday celebrations, I would sit at the kitchen table, pen in hand, writing to those who had gifted me. Did I enjoy it every time? Not at all. My youthful impatience often clashed with the ritual. But looking back, I’m incredibly grateful my parents instilled this value in me. Maybe I should send them a thank you note about it.
Research shows a strong link between gratitude and happiness. By teaching our children to pause and express thanks, we help them become individuals who appreciate the kindness of others. I often notice the little gestures around me: a stranger holding a door, a teacher going the extra mile for my child, or a friend bringing flowers to dinner. This mindset of gratitude has been a comforting anchor in tough times.
My partner and I are committed to a strict thank you note policy in our home. We’ve developed some practical strategies for enforcing it. For instance, if someone gives a birthday gift—whether present at the event or not—a thank you note is mandatory. The same applies during holidays. Even unexpected gifts deserve a note of appreciation.
When our children were small, we wrote the notes on their behalf, often incorporating their drawings. Now that they’re older, we provide them with fun stationery and themed stamps, making the writing process enjoyable. They’ve grown up understanding that expressing thanks is simply part of our family culture.
After significant events like birthdays, I maintain a list on the fridge to ensure that no one is overlooked when it’s time to write. As a result, our seven-year-old loves to send notes to relatives far away, often surprising me with his thoughtfulness.
While I acknowledge that writing thank you notes can be time-consuming, especially when children are young, I believe the effort is worth it. It helps my kids develop their writing skills and reflect on the kindness they’ve received. Most importantly, it prevents an attitude of entitlement, which I find deeply concerning.
Some people may feel that a text or photo is sufficient to express gratitude, but for my family, traditional thank you notes are invaluable. We will continue this practice, hoping it shapes our children’s perspectives and reminds them to appreciate life’s kindnesses.
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Summary
Teaching children the importance of writing thank you notes fosters gratitude and appreciation, helping them grow into polite individuals. By maintaining this tradition, parents can instill values that prevent entitlement and encourage reflection on kindness.