I’m Tired of Hearing “I’m Sorry” for Having an Autistic Child

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It’s time to debunk some misconceptions about autism.

The phrase “I’m so sorry” has become a common response from well-meaning parents at the playground when they learn about my child’s autism. It’s a phrase I’ve heard far too often, and it hurts. As someone who is autistic and has dedicated over a decade to working as a speech-language pathologist with autistic children, I recognize that these apologies stem from a place of empathy. However, they also reveal a misunderstanding of what autism truly means. Such sentiments suggest that being autistic diminishes a person’s humanity and their ability to enjoy life, which is simply not true. Many parents at the park might not voice these thoughts, but they linger beneath the surface.

This way of thinking makes it challenging for autistic individuals to be fully appreciated and included, not because of malice, but due to a lack of understanding. It’s crucial to recognize that these parents are not bad people; they just need to learn more about the incredible potential and uniqueness of autistic children.

It’s Time for a Change

Here are some common myths I’ve encountered regarding autism that need to be addressed:

  1. Autism Isn’t Just for Geniuses: The stereotype that autistic individuals must possess extraordinary abilities, like those depicted in movies, is misleading. Autism encompasses a diverse array of experiences across all demographics. While some may have remarkable skills, many do not, and that’s perfectly okay. Every autistic person has their unique strengths worth discovering.
  2. It’s “Autistic,” Not “Has Autism”: Autism is an identity, not a disease. Many in the autistic community prefer the term “autistic” rather than “a person with autism.” It’s essential to respect individual preferences. The brain of someone who is neurodivergent simply functions differently; it’s not an illness.
  3. Autistic Individuals Desire Social Connections: There’s a pervasive myth that autistic individuals lack the desire for social interaction. While some may prefer solitude at times, this does not erase their need for connection and relationships. I’ve witnessed countless moments of love and friendship between autistic children and others.
  4. Empathy in Autistic Individuals: Contrary to common misconceptions, many autistic individuals display high levels of empathy. I recall a touching instance where an autistic child comforted a peer who was upset. Such moments can challenge the stereotypes that exist.
  5. Communication Comes in Many Forms: Being non-speaking or “nonspeaking” doesn’t equate to a lack of communication ability. Many autistic individuals use alternative methods to express themselves, and it’s vital to understand that verbal communication is just one of many ways to connect.

If you’ve ever felt compelled to apologize upon learning of an autism diagnosis, know that it’s okay. But it’s time to move beyond that mindset. Embrace awareness and curiosity about autistic individuals, and strive to be supportive and affirming rather than apologetic.

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In summary, it’s crucial to shift the narrative surrounding autism from one of pity to one of understanding and respect. By dispelling myths and recognizing the full humanity of autistic individuals, we can foster a more inclusive society.