As a Bisexual Mom, I Hope My Daughter Grows Up Free from Shame

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As a parent, I am determined to raise my daughter in an environment free from shame and fear surrounding her identity. Growing up, I received a clear message from society: being queer was different, and different was something to be afraid of.

Since my daughter, Lily, started school and met her best friend, Ava, her fascination with love has transformed our lives into something reminiscent of a romantic story. She frequently declares her intention to marry Ava, proclaiming their future together with the same enthusiasm found in fairy tales.

When my mother casually asked Lily about her future aspirations, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me, anticipating the potential fallout of the conversation. “Ava will be my wife,” Lily announced confidently, and I held my breath, waiting for my mom’s reaction. While she isn’t homophobic, discussing same-sex relationships was not a topic I encountered in my own childhood. I worried that my mom might unintentionally imply that there was something wrong with being LGBTQ+, something I had experienced far too often.

But my mom moved on seamlessly, asking, “And what will you do?” To which Lily replied, “Every day will be my day off.” It was an unexpected yet refreshing response, one I wished I could have shared with my younger self.

Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember realizing my attraction to girls at a young age but never hearing that it was an option. Instead, I learned to hide that part of myself, feeling the weight of societal expectations. Growing up in the mid-90s, phrases like “that’s so gay” were prevalent, and I quickly learned to suppress my feelings to fit in.

As a parent, I strive to create a different experience for Lily. I aim to teach her that being queer is just as valid as being straight. It’s essential for her to understand the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community, but I also want her to enjoy a childhood free from negativity. I cherish the moments when I introduce her to stories featuring diverse characters, like the book Prince and Knight, which offers positive representations of love.

Yes, I sometimes go overboard with my LGBTQ+ messaging, but it’s important to reinforce that love in all its forms is beautiful. I fondly recall a moment when Lily, at just three years old, finished my thought about families with different structures by saying, “And some families have two Lilys!” Now, she actively engages with conversations about gender identity and inclusivity, often correcting me if I forget to mention non-binary individuals. Her questions about gender roles and relationships are a testament to her open-mindedness and curiosity.

However, I know this blissful period of innocence won’t last forever. Eventually, Lily will be exposed to the harsher realities of the world, including the prevalence of straight couples in media and possible instances of homophobia. Until then, I will do everything in my power to provide her with a loving, shame-free environment where she can explore her identity freely.

Whether she ultimately identifies as straight or LGBTQ+, I want Lily to have the freedom to seek her truth on her own terms.

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Summary:

As a bisexual mother, I aim to raise my daughter, Lily, in a shame-free environment where she can explore her identity without fear. Unlike my childhood, where being queer was often met with negativity, I strive to present LGBTQ+ identities as equally valid to heterosexuality. Through open conversations and inclusive resources, I hope to equip Lily with the understanding and confidence to embrace her true self.

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As a bisexual mom, raising a daughter in a shame-free environment, LGBTQ+ representation, parenting, and inclusivity.