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The Struggles of Breastfeeding
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Breastfeeding can be a daunting experience for some mothers, particularly for those who encounter a condition called dysphoric milk ejection reflex (D-MER). In this piece, we explore the experiences of Lisa, a mother of two, as she navigates the emotional turbulence associated with breastfeeding.
For nearly 10% of breastfeeding mothers, D-MER can transform the act of nursing into a profoundly difficult ordeal. I had never encountered anything like D-MER during my years as a mental health professional, but when I found myself in that 10%, everything changed.
I vividly remember my first encounter with this feeling. After returning home from the hospital with my newborn daughter, I settled down on the couch to nurse her. Having undergone a C-section, my husband helped me get comfortable. As my baby latched on, I experienced the familiar pins-and-needles sensation signaling milk letdown, followed by an overwhelming wave of dread.
The sensation was akin to receiving devastating news—like learning about a loved one’s serious illness or facing job loss. It was an emotional pit that grew deeper the moment I felt that letdown. At first, I attributed it to typical parenting anxiety. My husband was going out to mow the lawn, and I felt terrified about being left alone with my newborn. I kept it to myself, unsure how to explain the feeling to him.
This continued for the first several months of my daughter’s life; I was too embarrassed to admit how I felt. The sensation began 15 to 30 seconds after letdown and lasted for about a minute. Though it seemed brief, that minute stretched out painfully—each moment felt like an eternity of dread. I had no idea the feeling was linked to my milk letdown; I was nursing so frequently that I felt trapped in a cycle of anxiety.
However, when I wasn’t nursing, I felt perfectly fine. I attended check-ups with my obstetrician, confidently stating that everything was great, entirely oblivious to the emotional storms I faced during nursing sessions.
The breakthrough came when I stumbled upon a Facebook post in a mothers’ group. Someone described experiencing a sense of doom while nursing, suggesting it might be D-MER. My heart raced as I began to recognize my own experiences in their words.
While the exact cause of D-MER remains unclear, it is believed to stem from a sudden hormonal shift during letdown. Knowing there was a name for what I was experiencing provided some relief, but it didn’t erase the feelings. I tried every tip I could find—drinking cold water, staying hydrated, or distracting myself with TV—but the only thing that truly helped was focusing on my baby and reminding myself that this too was temporary.
I breastfed my daughter for seven months, not primarily due to D-MER but because she was teething and I was exhausted from pumping at work. When we weaned, I felt a sense of closure. It was almost as if I had forgotten the struggles, until I welcomed my son two years later.
Immediately, I felt the return of D-MER, but this time it was even worse. In addition to anxiety, I experienced severe nausea. I could have chosen to stop, but my son was a natural nursling who sought comfort in breastfeeding. Each day, I’d tell myself it was the last, yet I found it hard to resist his yearning for closeness.
As he grew, I set small goals for myself and often surpassed them. I couldn’t help but feel envious that others had uncomplicated breastfeeding experiences, while I grappled with my own. Oddly, when not nursing, I romanticized the experience, only to be jolted back to reality during nursing sessions.
Eventually, my son reached the biting stage, just like my daughter, and I stopped nursing. Now, even though I still experience rare letdowns, I’m relieved I no longer have to endure the emotional turmoil.
Reflecting on my total of 14 months grappling with D-MER, I realize it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Despite my background in mental health, I had never encountered D-MER until I experienced it firsthand. This led me to pursue a certification in perinatal mood disorder treatment, allowing me to help other mothers identify D-MER and navigate their struggles.
Now, with my daughter at three and my son at seven months, I’ve decided our family is complete. The reasons are practical—like finances and age—but D-MER plays a significant role in my decision. The thought of going through that again is daunting.
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- What is D-MER in breastfeeding?
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In summary, D-MER is a condition that can make breastfeeding a challenging experience for some mothers. Recognizing and understanding this condition can help in coping with its symptoms. Resources and support are available for mothers who find themselves facing similar challenges.