Are You Unknowingly Raising a Sexist?

The question, “Is your child a budding sexist?” may seem extreme, especially if your little one is still quite young. After all, they might be more focused on sneaking an extra cookie than on gender dynamics. Yet, in a world marked by incidents like Brock Turner and Bill Cosby, along with ongoing issues such as sexual harassment and the rollback of reproductive rights, it’s not unreasonable to be concerned. We live in an environment filled with advertising that portrays men speaking far more than women and a culture that imposes rigid gender roles. Children absorb these messages more than we often realize. For instance, a recent survey indicated that 37% of American boys in fourth grade believe boys are smarter than girls.

I often share a story about my son’s transition away from his beloved pacifier. At three years old, he was utterly attached to it. However, one night we found all our pacifiers damaged, and the only ones available were pink and purple. When I offered him a pink one, he looked upset and declared, “Those pacis are for girls.” That night, he opted to sleep without a pacifier rather than defy gender norms. This illustrates how deeply ingrained cultural signals can influence our kids.

If you’re not actively teaching your children that women are inferior (and if you are, this article isn’t for you), the pertinent question is not whether you’re raising a misogynist but how you’re countering the cultural sexism that surrounds them. Here are several strategies to help combat these influences:

1. Steer Clear of Gendered Language:

Research has shown that when teachers and parents use gendered language, it reinforces stereotypes. Instead of separating children by gender, use neutral language to address them collectively. Avoid phrases like “You’re such a smart boy!” or “What a daring girl you are!”

2. Encourage Cross-Gender Play:

Studies indicate that children who play with peers of the opposite sex are less likely to develop rigid gender stereotypes. Organize playdates that mix genders to help them see their similarities.

3. Choose Gender-Neutral Toys:

Select toys that promote cognitive, artistic, and physical skills rather than adhering to traditional gender roles. This helps convey that interests and abilities are not confined by gender.

4. Avoid Stereotypical Views of Women:

Teach your children that women are multifaceted individuals and not just delicate beings to be protected. This understanding can help prevent the development of harmful stereotypes.

5. Treat All Children Equally:

Ensure that you respond consistently to aggressive behavior, regardless of whether it comes from a son or daughter. Differentiating responses can lead to biased perceptions of gender behavior.

6. Address Sexism When You See It:

When encountering sexist remarks or behaviors, use them as teachable moments. Discuss why such attitudes are problematic and encourage your child to question these beliefs.

7. Beware of the “What’s the Big Deal?” Attitude:

Seemingly small choices, like selecting a toy for a boy or girl, can reinforce harmful stereotypes. Be mindful of how these decisions shape your child’s worldview.

8. Share Household Responsibilities:

Demonstrate that chores and responsibilities are not gender-specific. This teaches your children about equality and cooperation.

9. Define True Bravery:

Help your children recognize that bravery involves facing fears rather than lacking them. Encourage them to express their emotions openly and validate their feelings.

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In summary, as parents, it’s essential to actively counteract the pervasive sexism that exists in our culture. Through mindful language, equitable treatment, and open discussions about gender equality, we can help our children grow into respectful and understanding individuals.