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Are your children pushing you to your brink? Here’s some expert advice on maintaining your composure from Dr. Lisa Hartman, a psychologist based in Chicago.
Before you became a parent, you probably envisioned yourself as a patient and understanding caregiver. However, once you welcomed a child (or two) into your life, you likely discovered that these adorable little humans can be a source of immense stress and frustration. It’s no wonder you find yourself occasionally losing your temper with the very kids you adore.
From a practical standpoint, the benefits of patience are substantial. Kids absorb a lot from their parents, particularly in terms of emotional regulation. This means your child is likely to imitate how you handle your feelings. If you frequently react with frustration, your child may develop similar patterns, especially if your ire is directed at them rather than external stressors, such as slow-moving traffic or lengthy conversations during school drop-off.
Before you spiral into guilt over your short temper—or what may have worsened since becoming a parent—remember that everyone loses their patience at times. This human experience can be intensified by the challenges of parenting, as noted by Dr. Hartman.
Why Patience and Parenting Can Clash
“Patience is the ability to endure discomfort, irritation, delay, or pain without complaining or losing your cool,” Dr. Hartman explains. “This becomes challenging when parenting because children often provoke us inadvertently.”
Undoubtedly, parenting can be a tough gig. Between emotional exhaustion, constant demands, and the quest for personal time, it can feel relentless. “Children frequently test their parents’ patience due to their impulsiveness and self-centeredness, which overlooks parental needs,” Dr. Hartman notes. “The barrage of demands can deplete a parent’s resources, making patience feel unattainable.”
Strategies for Practicing Patience with Your Children
To naturally cultivate more patience, start by giving yourself a break. “It’s crucial to remember not to take their behavior personally,” Dr. Hartman advises. Children often don’t realize their actions can be exasperating. A moment of compassion for both yourself and your child can significantly reduce your anger.
When frustration arises, take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you feeling hungry, tired, or overwhelmed? If so, stepping away for even a minute can help ease those intense feelings.
Aim to connect with your child on their level. Many behavioral issues stem from their inability to express needs. Showing them you’re available and listening can often help reframe the situation for both of you.
As Dr. Hartman emphasizes, don’t hesitate to seek help—big or small. It’s easier said than done, but you shouldn’t shoulder every challenge alone. Your support network, whether it’s a partner, friends, or family, can be invaluable during testing times.
Professional assistance can also be beneficial for both you and your child. Don’t hesitate to seek therapy for your well-being as well as your child’s.
When you’re calm, identify your triggers. What situations make you lose your patience? If your child’s tardiness is a recurring issue, consider strategies to mitigate it. Writing down your triggers can help you address them rather than letting them fester.
Next, devise a plan. What does being a patient parent look like to you? Develop effective strategies—whether it’s taking deep breaths before reacting or scheduling regular breaks for self-care. Even hiring a babysitter occasionally can offer you the time you need to recharge.
Finally, remember to take small steps towards building your patience. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t be too hard on yourself or your child. “If you lose your cool, that’s perfectly okay,” Dr. Hartman reassures. “You can always regain it! Repairing and moving forward is part of the journey, and there will be countless opportunities to practice patience.”
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Summary
Cultivating patience as a parent can be challenging, especially when children are testing your limits. Remembering not to take their behavior personally, seeking support, and identifying triggers can help improve your emotional regulation. Small steps towards patience will aid in your parenting journey.