The Never-Ending To-Do List
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I missed a long-overdue gynecologist appointment last week. I had been postponing it for ages until I realized it had been four years. I finally decided to stop making excuses and called for an appointment, only to find that the earliest slot was months away. The only time available was 11:30 a.m., so I woke up early to catch up on work before taking the kids to school. Then, I had to pick up my daughter because she was unwell. After getting her comfortable, I glanced at the clock and realized I hadn’t had lunch yet. With my appointment just half an hour away, I quickly grabbed a protein bar and an apple, tossed them into my purse, and headed for the door.
Then, I heard it: the dreaded beeping of my washing machine.
I knew that sound all too well — it meant the machine wasn’t draining. Usually, I just hit restart, and everything goes back to normal. But not today. It felt like the universe was conspiring against me, knowing how much I dreaded going to the gynecologist, and suddenly my washing machine decided to flood my downstairs bathroom. Water was pouring out, seeping into my finished basement.
My daughter, who was barely able to stand due to her stomach pain, helped by grabbing towels. But soon it became clear that wasn’t going to be enough, and I grabbed a bucket from the garage. I was desperately trying to catch the water and mop up what I could from the basement floor. I used every towel in the house, and as the situation escalated, I found myself crying and shouting in frustration. I had to lean against the windowsill to keep from collapsing.
I felt utterly exhausted and perhaps a bit dramatic, but at that moment, it seemed impossible to manage everything: work, motherhood, household responsibilities, and self-care. It had already been a tough week; the front yard fence had blown down, while attempting to paint my kids’ ceilings revealed how badly our carpets needed cleaning. I had put air conditioners in the windows and noticed some screens needed replacing. My deck was crying out for a power wash, and my weed wacker had broken.
The list just keeps growing, and it feels like I can never catch up. On top of everything, I have to balance work and motherhood. My daughter’s birthday is approaching, and I want to plan a special celebration for her, all while meeting work deadlines and ensuring my kids stay on top of their schoolwork and health. I also need to prioritize my own medical appointments, but honestly, I often don’t because something has to give.
Owning a home is a significant responsibility, even for two adults. There’s always something that needs cleaning, repairing, or replacing. You need to ensure you have the funds to address unexpected issues, which adds another layer of stress. When my ex-husband lived here, we both felt the weight of it, but nothing compares to being a single mother trying to manage everything alone. I am solely responsible for my kids when they’re with me and for maintaining our home.
Over the past five years, since I’ve been the only adult in this house, there have been many moments when I thought about giving up. Balancing time between kids, work, and home repairs feels suffocating. My children have seen me cry while attempting to change the bathroom fan or searching for hours for a handyman to fix the garage door.
Yet, there are also times I pull into my driveway and feel immense gratitude for everything I have. I reflect on the effort it has taken to keep my home intact — the place where my kids have grown up, a sanctuary I managed to maintain even after my divorce, filled with countless cherished memories.
Yes, there are days when I fantasize about moving to a place where I wouldn’t have to worry about fixing the cracked driveway or replacing the roof. A place without the burden of mowing or snow blowing or trying to find someone to repair my water-stained basement ceiling.
But I’d be giving up too much. I’ve poured my heart into maintaining this home because it means so much to me. It was a challenge I wasn’t sure I could handle after my divorce, but I chose to give it my best shot. I promised myself to take it one day at a time and to tackle issues as they arise — and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
So even on days when I’m at my breaking point, feeling overwhelmed and convinced that there’s no way I can manage everything, I find a way through. Keeping my house has been worth every tear and every penny because each time I overcome another hurdle, I’m demonstrating to my kids and myself what is possible.
Jenna Collins is a full-time freelance writer residing in Maine with her three teenagers and two ducks. When she’s not writing, she’s likely indulging in online shopping and sipping Coke Zero.
This article was originally published on June 29, 2022.
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In summary, the challenges of homeownership can feel insurmountable, especially for single parents. Balancing responsibilities while maintaining a home and caring for children can lead to moments of overwhelming stress. However, the journey also brings invaluable lessons about resilience and the ability to overcome obstacles, ultimately fostering gratitude for what has been achieved.