Should You Track Your Children or Release the Digital Grip?

Autonomy

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We now have the ability to track our children’s whereabouts at any moment, but is this really beneficial? Here’s why we might want to reconsider.

When I was growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, a public service announcement would air nightly, asking parents, “It’s 10 p.m., do YOU know where your children are?” This iconic message became a cultural phenomenon, even inspiring parodies and songs. Fast forward to today, and parenting looks vastly different. With smartphones and smartwatches that offer geo-tracking capabilities, parents can stay connected to their kids at all times. The thought of not knowing where your child is at night seems almost absurd today—especially since they’re likely in their rooms binge-watching shows.

But is this really an advancement? What are the repercussions of constantly monitoring our children? What benefits do we gain, and what do they sacrifice? How do families manage the overwhelming possibilities that technology brings? Is constant surveillance helpful or harmful for our kids?

Recently, my 10-year-old son, now equipped with a Gizmo smartwatch, went to a typical after-school playdate. Excited by my newfound ability to communicate, I found myself texting him repeatedly during those 90 minutes. “Are you having fun?” “I love you!” and “Just let me know if you need me!” His responses consisted of emojis like a hot dog or a pig snout (the Gizmo has limited outgoing messages).

Even as I inundated him with messages, I realized I was overstepping. My need to quell my anxiety was distracting him from just being a kid. In my own childhood, when I spent time at a friend’s house or rode my bike without a helmet, I was solely focused on my own experiences—not managing my mother’s worries about my safety. If things went wrong (and they often did), I was allowed to deal with it on my own, without the need to constantly reassure my parent.

What message was I sending him with my incessant check-ins? I didn’t genuinely believe he was in danger, nor did I think he was incapable of handling his own circumstances. Yet my frequent messages suggested the opposite.

Lenore Skenazy, founder of Let Grow and author of “Free Range Kids”, argues that tracking children erodes trust within families. Additionally, knowing that a parent is only a button press away inhibits children from developing self-reliance, which is crucial for their emotional health. We track them because “we’ve lost any tolerance for uncertainty.” Skenazy shares the story of a girl who called her dad for help when her bike chain broke instead of attempting to fix it herself. “There was no competence developed,” she explains. “No resilience created.” Are we crippling our children as they inch toward independence? Is it enough to offer them freedom while keeping them tethered digitally?

Despite its drawbacks, Skenazy acknowledges that avoiding tracking seems counterintuitive in today’s world. “When you can know, it’s difficult to choose not to,” she explains. The idea of allowing a child to go out without a tracking device now feels reckless. However, tracking doesn’t merely serve as a safety measure; it can trap parents in a cycle of anxiety, always anticipating the worst.

Ask any parent about their biggest fears when their child ventures out alone, and you’ll likely hear concerns about kidnappings or accidents. Although these events are statistically rare, they are not without basis, especially in light of recent tragedies. In a world filled with parental fears, we grapple with the balance of encouraging independence while maintaining a sense of control.

However, studies indicate that autonomy can lead to better behavior. Michaeline Doucleff, an NPR Science correspondent and author, notes that independence is linked to long-term motivation and reduced risks of substance abuse. Tracking apps, Skenazy argues, “erode trust.” If parents are always monitoring their kids, it becomes impossible for children to learn from their mistakes or find success on their own without parental oversight.

Teenagers often express a desire to demonstrate their maturity to their parents, but if they feel they are always being watched, they are denied the opportunity to prove themselves. Furthermore, as children grow up, when do we decide to stop tracking them? How do we transition from constant monitoring to giving them space? Is there a way to find balance? Perhaps we can view tracking as a safety net for logistical purposes or true emergencies only.

I’ve recently started allowing my son to ride his bike to school (with a helmet) while still checking the Gizmo app to ensure he arrives safely. However, I’m learning that my love for him means I need to refrain from constant communication.

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Summary:

As technology allows parents to track their children at all times, it raises important questions about autonomy and trust. While monitoring can provide a sense of security, it may also inhibit children’s ability to learn from experiences and develop independence. Finding a balance between safety and allowing children to navigate challenges on their own is crucial for their growth and development.