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I recently caught up with an old friend from high school for lunch. We often meet for a run, a spin class, or sushi—she keeps me grounded. I cherish our time together, especially as we both navigate similar life changes: divorce, growing children, and the onset of menopause.
In the early summer, I usually surprise her with her favorite cookies in exchange for a lovely bouquet of flowers. We exchange gifts during the holidays, grab last-minute coffees, and celebrate our birthdays together, even if it’s a bit late.
However, we’ve fallen out of touch recently. Last week marked the first time we’d seen each other or spoken in months. While we understood the silence, it weighed on us both. Our energy levels have plummeted, and we feel sluggish. Sleep has become elusive, leaving us waking up drenched in sweat and devoid of motivation. This shift has impacted our moods, making us feel irritable more often than not.
We shared our struggles with low libido and the frustration of feeling misunderstood by our partners. She confessed that her climaxes feel less intense and take longer to achieve, while I lamented about my body odor during certain times of the month.
We’ve noticed the changes in our bodies: wrinkles, thinning hair, and dry skin that leaves remnants like snowflakes when we remove our pants. Some days, these changes make us want to hide from the world. This is the reality of perimenopause.
Explaining mood swings, decreased sexual desire, and hormonal fluctuations to those who aren’t experiencing it can be incredibly challenging. It’s even tougher when your family relies on you for support and guidance. When you’re not yourself, they feel lost, wondering why you can’t suppress your tears and why your energy is so depleted. As they continue on without you, feelings of guilt and loneliness can set in.
Over the past few years, I’ve come to realize that perimenopause robs us of many things. I’d trade anything to have regular PMS again. Now, my periods are unpredictable, arriving at inconvenient times and with more intensity. There are days when I struggle to leave my room.
My partner is concerned about my dwindling libido and wants me to be happy all the time. He often reassures me about my appearance when I’m feeling down, but he doesn’t fully grasp what’s happening in my body.
For me, perimenopause feels like reliving a second adolescence but without the energy or drive. The silver lining is that conversations about perimenopause and menopause are becoming much more common today than in the past. There’s no reason to feel shy or ashamed discussing natural processes affecting half the population. Many resources are available, from hormone replacement therapy to counseling.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, reach out to a friend who understands the journey. Grab a burger together—it may not solve your mood swings or enlighten your family, but it can certainly lift your spirits.
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Summary
Navigating perimenopause can be a lonely experience, especially when coupled with feelings of irritability, low libido, and physical changes. Sharing these challenges with friends who understand can provide comfort. Resources are available to help, and it’s essential to discuss these natural changes openly.